The wonder of why?

I wonder why I want to die,
rather yet to live and try,
Ive lost it all and got it back.
Just to not want it at all and go off track.
My will is gone because I gave my heart.
My life is empty because you tore it apart.
I can no longer care about myself anymore.
I wish there was a way I could lock this door.
The door to my own self worth.
I am worth nothing but your are everything,
my gift and your curse.
I pray each day for the lord to take,
My life away and give me grace.
I dont want to feel anymore.
I dont want to live anymore.
4years of loving and nothing for myself to adore.
I adore only you and to me myself am worth nil.
God just please kill.
God please just kill.
Let me die tonight when I close my eyes.
The only thing that feels right.
I dont want to live anymore.
Take my life lord.