This feeling of disappointment and that everything’s just too much…

Every time I would see someone celebrate their birthday (via facebook’s remidner) I would be reminded of my own birthday and I would look forward to its coming. The funny thing is, I would look forward to it when it’s still far away, but when the event draws nearer, I find myself dreading it. No, I don’t dread getting older because after all, age is but a number. I dread it because I’m more than 100% sure that it will appear just like any other day, and this year, it was.

I didn’t expect much for my real birthday since I knew people were working and it was a weekday, but when Friday came, I thought I was going to have a celebration (even if it was just a simple one),but I didn’t have any. :’( I was really, really disappointed partly because I’ve been giving surprise celebrations to others and I thought (I know I shouldn’t expect, but I really can’t help it. I’m only human and after all, it is my special day) that it would be reciprocated, but it wasn’t.

My birthday came and passed just like any regular day. I feel so jealous of those who were given cakes or were able to celebrate it like a really special day because mine came and gone just like any regular day…

The thing that added to this was for I’ve given everything to my family, friends and special someone all year, and maybe, just maybe, I thought that I would get something in return. Since I started working for this place a year ago, I haven’t had a single money to my name no matter how hard I try to save up because I give my entire pay to my family who in turn pays for the people working for our bakery (it’s our other source of income aside from my work). I work more than 8 hours a day, plus tutorials just to have extra money, I go home tired, yet I have to help with the chores and whenever I have money that I do save, I have to hand it over…it’s just all too much…I don’t know if I can go on like this…