I know I’m suicidal, and I’ve known for a really long time. I’ve decided that I want to try living. I’ve decided that getting professional help is worth risking my personal freedoms and future ability to end it if it isn’t worth it. But I don’t know how I should go about getting help.
I’ve always been the trouble child while my older sister was the only one who ever had any actual problems. Inevitably everything that goes wrong in my life has been my fault, and I’ve been idiot-savant enough to coast through elementary, middle, and high school. I even got into a pretty good college and my parents are basically paying for it. I just feel guilty. They shouldn’t have to deal with this. I had a lot of problems when I was younger… and my mother lost a lot of sleep over me. And now that they’re paying for me to go to college, can I really ask them to pay for me to talk about my feelings? I have plenty in my account, and I could probably get my own counseling for a good couple years, but I’d still need a way to get there, and I have no car of my own. They even pay my medical insurance, so I can’t get counseling on campus because they’ll find out through the insurance. If they found out about it, they’d probably pay for that too.
If I get help, they’re going to know, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I don’t want to be a burden anymore, and I don’t want them to waste any more of their resources on me than they already do, but I also know that if I really want to get better I need to get some counseling or therapy or some anti-depressants or something.
If you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated.
2 comments
I had the same experience… I waited too long and my parents found all of my blades and pills. I understand where youre coming from. Maybe tell a counselor at your school? If you just tell them how you feel, not about the suicidal part, they wont tell your parents unless you want them to. Maybe tell a friend or do some research online. Good Luck (:
Just call your parent(s) and tell them you feel depressed, that you want to seek help. People might ask if you feel suicidal. What I’d do, is have hope that you can take things one week at a time.
Your parents, your school and your mental health pro will all support your request to diagnose your suffering and relieve it. Many many college students need help to deal with anxiety depression all kinds of issues. If you have hope then you can get med’s and keep the suicidal thoughts at bay (and under your hat) for a few visits.
Thanks for sharing a part of your story. I hope that you ask for the help you deserve.