I’m 30 now, in 6 months time it’s gonna be my birthday and if things don’t change that’s when I will end it all. Growing up I went to religious school and got molested over there by four different preachers. Was scared of the beating they gave me thats why I couldn’t tell my parents about it, started working at the age of 13 to support my family who compared me to everyone else who was better than me, even though I left home at 8 in the morning and got back at 3 in the morning everyday, my relatives considered me to be outcast, left everything came to uk, worked my backside off and sent the money to my parents, spent days drinking water because I was short of money and couldn’t afford to eat, during these times fell in love with a girl online and asked my parents to get me married to her, they manipulated me and I think that girl is cheating on me too cuz I have found stuff in her inbox, all my life I lived for others, helped them with whatever I could, and now I just feel that I cannot carry on like this. Work come home no one there. The pain of being manipulated and people telling lies, no one to trust. Go back to see my parents and the first three questions they ask when are you going back? How much money you will lose by being here? Will you have your job when you go back ? And that girl is the same too.. Told her about my childhood and now if there’s an argument the molestation gets thrown in my face. Ex girlfriends. Everything. No one to talk to. This cannot go on anymore.. I’m already dead inside.. Just clinging on to one last hope.. Sept 12 2013…… That’s the deadline
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
Oh please God let us die peacefully this life is a piece of shit.
What if you lived for you
I wish it was that easy.. I’m one of the nicest person you will come across hence why people walk all over me. If someone upsets me in someway I just think if I would say something then they might get hurt and that would make me feel bad. Just can’t hurt people.
Hello,I’am new here “first excuse me for my bad English” i read your post and its seems as like you read on myself, dude i used to help family,friends,unknow people,without giving a shit about what i wanted,i ignored myself’s needs and i sacrified my time to other, what i got back Damn nothing only shit,problems,been in low mood every day,i didn’t came to complain,but i just want to say to you DON’T Give a shit anymore to anyone,specially who made you feeling like that,in fact its them who should to die not you,and i think its time to talk to your parents about yourself and your needs,and rememeber that your in strong situation as you said that you gave them money ect so use that,about girls ect i had a damn bad experiences,i used to be a nice guy”thats my nature” i had a fucking bad surprised, now im with a nice one,ITS SO HARD TO FIND NICE PEOPLE NOWDAYs,I took time to read some topics i found many nice people having same problems about trusting others, and getting manipulated,we aren’t alone!!,just i want to say Fuck others needs,Fuck their thoughts about you,yeah do ur duty torward your parents but make red lines,show them ur angry side,talk to them nicely however they love the best for you,just rememeber them that you have a life,for girls time will solve that,just be patient,AND REMEMBER ITS THEM WHO SHOULD SUICIDE NOT YOU.
cya mate 🙂
Kyo I know what you are saying.. Don’t worry about the language error, there are bigger issues in life 🙂 I appreciate what you are saying but it been going on for almost two decades now.. There’s so much that I can put up with.. Lost faith, trust, believe most importantly I have lost the reason to live for… Can’t even stand in front of the mirror cuz I can’t face myself and all those dark thoughts pop up…. I don’t wanna die but I don’t feel alive either… Sometimes I just walk outside at night thinking how to end this shit life where I have nothing to live for. It’s so empty inside.. When you have a soul as scarred and wounded as mine then your heart is just a grave where you keep burying things and keep imploding, constantly feeling like a zombie, interacting with people but can’t look them in the eye cuz you are too scared to let them look inside you… I wish things would change but they don’t… Waiting for sept 12th
Mate, i swear i feel your pain,and i’am really sad and upset for hearing that,mate if your life is so shitty as you sad “mine isn’t better than your’s” so its can’t be more shitty “its looks like a joke but itsn’t” we have a proverb sayin ” who never won, has nothing to lose”, mate i want not tell crapes ect…but open your eyes,however the darkness which ur into,theres a hope,i know your too smart to realise that will not be easy,all know what im saying,but sometimes we need that a friend scream on our face “FUCK IT DO IT OR I WILL MURDER YOUR ASS” mate being alone isn’t a good idea, ithink its the biggest problem,you just need a friend to show the right way to go,cause on this kind of situation we are blind.
Mate don’t make this world shitiest than its now,we don’t need another lost,your a nice person i feel that,even its our first contact,Lossing a nice guy is the last thing we want in this shitty world.
mate sorry again for bad english,its the 3rd language here,so..
Hey there
I’m moved by your life.
Are you a Scorpio?
Your compassion is extremely rare. I don’t know what the financial needs of your parents are, but I think you’re indeed being manipulated into thinking that you need to starve yourself and go hungry in order to support others, including your parents. You must first take care of your needs, before you extend yourself to such an extreme.
You have aroused tonnes of respect and awe in me. I’m glad you and Kyo_d have met. Seems you’ve met a soulmate 🙂
Hey brother. Nice to meet a kindred spirit. I’m 30 as well and I’ll be turning 31 in late December. I’ve decided that I’ve had it with this life too. I’ve been through hell for so damn long. I’m giving myself just a little more time. One last chance at life. But if things don’t turn around soon I’m just ending it all. After so long you just start to realize that you’re playing with a losing hand. Ain’t no point in continuing on for decades more and living in misery. Fuck that shit. Peace be with you and best of luck. Hope things get better for you. I really do. And if not you can at least know that you’re not alone.