So, I’ve decided to commit suicide. Always just 95% sure. Some doubts. But this has been a very process to come to this decision. I worry about my 20year old son. But that’s it. The rest of the world will be unburdened with me gone. I can’t seem to get anything right and the struggle and pain have persisted for decades. Medication doesn’t work, counseling doesn’t work, changing my life up doesn’t work, volunteering doesn’t work, religion didn’t work. I tried everything across the years. So how does that final push occur?  Deciding with that last 5% of yourself. Or should I be making arrangements for the end…like someone with a terminal illness would do?