For all to know: I have a little trouble to ask for help to others, especially my friends, friends that I like, and now my boyfriend, one of the best people I’ve ever met and one that understands me the most and identifies me, he almost has the same problems I’m having.
 I suffer from depression since I was 13. I have suicidal thoughts since 14, escalated to 15 with many suicide attempts. I’m currently 16 and I’m having suicidal thoughts and afraid to try suicide again.
I got what I wanted most. I never wanted anything so much in my life, and the best: I got it. I got and I’m very, very happy. It’s the best thing that ever happened in my life and I’ve never been as happy as I am being since. I have much to thank.
But while I walk very sad. And with internal problems emotionally. I have a facade of personality, try to be several people at the same time and I suffer from it. I’ve been researching and I just almost believing that I have borderline. I have financial problems too, which leads to worsen my condition, but fortunately is improving. And I know I will improve and everything will be alright.
I worry a lot, a lot, with everything around me. If I’m not worried, it’s a miracle.
I also suffer from paranoia, excessive paranoia.
I think we all do not like me, and  if they like, are lying.
I think everyone is laughing at me.
Or talking bad about me behind my back
I want to cut myself, but I think the pain and especially how much would I get laborious hiding my cuts. Besides that could worry my boyfriend and worse, my mother.
All I ask is to be happy with my wants and wishes fulfilled. I know that not all greatly accomplished, but most. And have no more desire to kill myself and not have more depression. But I fight my depression for years and years, almost losing hope.
In a way I feel weak, otherwise feel strong. As some people say, I do not show all the time I’m sad. And I’m afraid of my new friends and my boyfriend find me weak. And I do not condone it.
I am very prideful, and I hate to calling me weak. And i could not stand it from people that I love
2 comments
Ive had similar issues would you like to talk?
I know what it is like to want to kill yourself. I’ve been there before.
I’m 17 soon and want to help. I’m a blind person and a guy, but I can assure you I’m not trying to flirt, haha.
Email me. We can chat.
brl.cents@gmail.com is my address.