It’s been years since i last took a breath of happiness, i saw my life going down into a hole. Then i thought about just remembering my past, see if what was back there was good: and was not! I lost myself and i couldn’t reach what was beyond the sadness, i just realized i got no friends, no beauty, no skills…
It’s basically a pointless life, as i see myself going nowhere, i humbly ask for help, i need it now more than never. I can’t talk to people anymore, everything bad that happens i just think it’s for me, and well… I just need a life, a normal one, i know it sounds like a greedy and impossible request (to be nice, charismatic, handsome, funny…) but it is a last appeal, see if i get off from this shadows of darkness.
I just saw myself being ignored by lots and lots of girls and friends, people that would not give a damn if i just move out from this country.
I don’t know if i can, i surely don’t think so, but i see EVERYBODY around me having a great life and getting better all the time… Well, why not me?
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I can assure you that not everyone around you has a great life. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. It really sounds cliche and I hate platitudes but, do not look to your past it robs today of it’s potential(butchered Eleanor Roosevelt quote). You’re reaching out here and that’s a great start! Just keep swimming!(Dori quote)
Maybe i am nothing but blinded by all this bad things, you know…
i keep thinking that what comes for good in my life is just a illusion, that’s whats keep me down, maybe i am wrong?
there are so many questions…
I do appreciate your help, nice Roosevelt quote. really thanks.
Can you maybe elaborate on that a little more? What do you mean by what comes for good is an illusion?
Hi…it’s not your fault life is NOT fair. I was born with a condition that’s progressively disfiguring so at this stage of my life I am considered profoundly disfigured. My disability has caused me never to know happiness and love and to be outcast and poor. Now what did I do to choose this? What did I do to deserve such a life? The fact of the matter is I did nothing, the cards were dealt and I was dealt the cruelest hand. I will never know a normal life, or anything close. Most everybody around me was dealt a different hand, a hand which includes beauty and health and family and job and marriage and houses and pets and all manner of nice things. It’s maddening. I don’t know but that some of us are dealt a raw deal in life. I don’t know but that my last hope of ever having anything good is that there might be a creator and after I pass from this life into whatevers next that creator might well take pity on the likes of me and give me a nice life of my own. Life’s a game of roulette, aint? A cruel game of roulette that’s played with our lives. There’s so little we really can control.
I said that in my twisted mind there are nothing but bad things, when something good happens, in my head it is an illusion, like what’s good becomes bad, i can’t see the good to be absorved, or if it does have something good or not, maybe because I’m used to wait for the darkness.
For example:
Someone tells me i’m funny, i don’t feel like a compliment, i feel more like “well, they said that i am NOTHING MORE but a little funny, like if that’s my only quality…”
Don’t know if you could understand it now
I understand it… that’s how i feel myself every single day of my life, our lifes are made by the others, not by ourselves, we are predestined to suffer while many others do nothing but laugh at our faces from the top of the hill.
If there’s a heaven, it must have a hell, a place where i belong, a place where i think no one but me deserves to live a thousand years of madness, the joy river drought as we sadly try to dive in…
I understand what you mean now. It’s hard to take something at face value when you’ve been hurt in the past or you feel like people are only valuing you for one facet of you. We all have many sides and are very complex 🙂 I think you’re valuable and good things can and will happen.
It’s easy to take something at face value, and see it as worth far less than the person showing it seems to think it is. What is hard, is for them to realize that what they value is not as valuable to you. They simply haven’t understood the value of your suffering, and therefore cannot understand why something like “you’re funny” could be almost completely worthless, perhaps even insulting, to you.
Next time someone says that, perhaps respond with: “Thanks. But am i anything else? Or is that it?” Or adjust according to your own preference. Or perhaps something like: “Oh…” or “Yep.”