I’m sure you’ve all heard it before.

Plain and simple I’m a fucked up person. I’m in horrible pain nearly every day of my life unless I’m doped up. And yes I do mean physical pain. It makes me treat the people I love in a way that shames me ever time I think about it. The bills keep piling up preventing me from seeking professional medical care, and because of whatever it is that’s wrong with me the only job I can manage to work is a minimum wage desk job. Every minute I’m at that job is agony. I just got married to the most amazing man in the world who does his best to take care of me. Love is too shallow A word to describe how I feel about him. I know that ending my life would devastate him….but it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto that ONE sliver of joy. The pain is getting worse and intoxication barely staves it off these days. I don’t even really know what else to say I just needed to get it out. Death is welcome in my home…