So Far Gone

Tonight isn’t as bad as most nights that I’m on here. but that’s because tonight I don’t feel sad or depressed. Tonight.. I don’t feel anything. I feel empty. Broken. I used to know what it was like to love. I still remember how it felt. But now, it seems all a dream. Some days it seems real. The feeling I recall seems nearby. Some days I think tomorrow I might feel it again. But it never comes today. And most days I don’t feel it at all. And I know I should. The last boy I loved was terrible to me. And now I’m with someone wonderful. Why did he have to find me after I broke?? He’s so patient.. He knows how I feel, so empty and broken, he knows I don’t love him. So he refrains from telling me he loves me. I wish he didn’t have to though. I wish I could look him in the eyes without mine glazing over. I can’t even talk about love.. The word itself makes me cringe. Not because I don’t like it, or even because I had a bad experience with it, but because I know I’m broken. Because I wish I could feel it again, but I know I’m just that far gone.