I think you have to be very careful with what you’re looking for when you’re seeking help and advice. As well as how we ask for that help.
“I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone to tell me what to do†could be read and heard as a wish to abdicate your own responsibility and place the burden on the shoulders of someone else. Which is not fair to you or them.
It can also come off as very needy which may push even our closes friends and family away. Imagine yourself having or just feeling like you have to take on the responsibility for someone else, especially when your plate if full just getting through the day yourself!
I don’t think that was your intention, but just something to be aware of as you seek out help.
I hope you find someone to talk to. I would recommend a third part that is not related to you or in your social circle as they won’t be threatened by anything you have to say and so can better mirror back to you what you are really saying and needing.
who gives a fuck how needy this looks! if you want to email me you can and we can talk about how you’re feeling… you’re a worthwhile person in need of help like we all do sometimes.
I was only suggesting dangleheart beware of his/her intention and language he/she was using to convey his need.
Not that his need was wrong in fact I hope he finds someone to talk to.
Is the panicked needy person, the person that’s “drowning†that takes the would be rescuer down with them!
It’s our neediness is exactly what push’s people away.
But if you’re up to the task @killswitchon of taking on the responsibility of fixing someone then go for it. My bet though if the person you’re trying to help is to needy you will run to the hills.
Danglehesrt…..what’s up what do you want to talk about what’s going on……if your asking for advice….but base on your last post I suggest that you stop caring about disappointing people your family will still be there if they are disappointed are not and you teacher and boy friend and fuck off if they are too disappointed…..I know your feelings of guilt…..I hate disappointing people to…..like I even have a really hard time saying no to anything…..but it’s nice to know that nobody will truly care…..and that if they tick you off by being too disappointed in you….. You can leave them and never have to see them again….aka drop there calls , stop visiting avoid places that they are at…..don’t kill your self becuase they are unhappy…don’t kill your self becuase you are disappointed in your self …..just Chang who you are or deal…..
If you can’t do that then fine do what you want…..but you should at less try
Ps… The thing that I learned at the mental ward is that depression is selfish, that kinda pissed me off, but if you think about it is ok to be a bit selfish if we wasn’t we will just work for other our whole life and life will be boring becuase no one will know what they like they will just be trying to please every one eles….what out any body knowing what they their selfs want…..life will be pointless if we didn’t have some want, and times to be selfish
depression doesn’t seem selfish to me.. I think they’re wrong..
depression seems to be caring about your life and circumstances..
and feeling that it isn’t how it be.. like you f’d up or someone else f’d up
your life.. things got screwed up along the way..
and you know(or maybe don’t know) why.. a spiraling staircase that broke..
bridge that didn’t go all the way across.. and by the time you understood..
you were already drowning from the water below..
but you still care about your life.. that’s why depression hit..
somewhere deep down you still care.. sad that psych wards don’t get that..
Oh gosh … What can i say to these reactions? I think thank you is just not enough. You guys are amazing for actually taking time out to actually write back to me, and it really truly makes my heart swell.
I know that it can come as selfish and i know what it does it other people. I guess that’s why i am here “venting” i guess you could say, instead of at my parents/ friends/ families door step.
I’m considered the “strong” and “smart” one of my family. The one who’s going to do something with her life. It’s all to much for me to handle at times. It’s hard to hide my massive insecurities away, and last night it all just boiled over.
I think i need to see someone because this feeling/ emotions are just quite frankly terrible.
I just feel i’m trying to be someone i’m not to live up to expectations of what the people around me want me to be!
It’s nice to know that people out there, actually care and thank you for your supportive words/ advice. I will seriously take it on!
@ killswitchon: thank you~ you’re an amazing person
@ shadowclone0: that is very true! That’s actually what i think everyday. I guess sometimes it gets a little … much 🙁
@ animerocks500: Ah you read that hey? Sometime i feel i cant do anything right. It just sucks. But thank you so so so much for actually reading that and for the advice
@ butterfly_free: Thank you, i will definitely shoot you a email sometime! You are lovely!
Sorry Dangleheart Not my intention to imply that you were in any way being selfish. I thought I made that clear in my initial but from the reactions I’m pretty sure people done read through a whole post where I attempted to make that clear, and that I wanted for you to get the most of the help your looking for.
I’ve been their, I suspect everyone’s been their. Things become to much and we seek out help like a drowning man. Taking a moment to create some inner space just seems prudent to me. perhaps a metaphorical slap to help us see better…
I have learned something here though, metaphorical speaking when we hurt we don’t tend to read the full post and instead react to a single word or statement… When we hurt we don’t see very well… remember that when you find yourself upset with the person you seek help from.
Good luck and All the best
I see it is time for me to move on, nothing I have learned makes a bit of difference
11 comments
Hi dangleheart, I kinda hear your frustration. do you think there is a way out of all of this?
I think you have to be very careful with what you’re looking for when you’re seeking help and advice. As well as how we ask for that help.
“I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone to tell me what to do†could be read and heard as a wish to abdicate your own responsibility and place the burden on the shoulders of someone else. Which is not fair to you or them.
It can also come off as very needy which may push even our closes friends and family away. Imagine yourself having or just feeling like you have to take on the responsibility for someone else, especially when your plate if full just getting through the day yourself!
I don’t think that was your intention, but just something to be aware of as you seek out help.
I hope you find someone to talk to. I would recommend a third part that is not related to you or in your social circle as they won’t be threatened by anything you have to say and so can better mirror back to you what you are really saying and needing.
who gives a fuck how needy this looks! if you want to email me you can and we can talk about how you’re feeling… you’re a worthwhile person in need of help like we all do sometimes.
first think of the things you NEED, then think of the things you WANT..
they are different.. a human has basic NEEDs that should be fulfilled..
do you have them? if not, think about why not..
you do not NEED to be: skinny, beautiful, loved by all, the best at everything,
the best in your career, etc..
you DO NEED: to be loved by yourself, to be yourself(because you are you.), food,
clothing, shelter, etc.
now, are you thankful for the few things you NEED that you do have?
if the answer is no, then focus on these things and try to understand how important that they are.. they are your foundation for life and living..
after your needs, all that is left is your WANTs.. and guess what?
as humans, we have the power to choose what we do in life..
so choose something and try to go for it! it can be really good!
if you feel stuck in your relationship, leave it for a bit maybe.. break out,
and try stuff.. get a new feel of the world you live in..
just don’t listen to other people.. is this their world? hell no! it’s your world too!
hope you can see this 🙂
I wish I knew what to say
I was only suggesting dangleheart beware of his/her intention and language he/she was using to convey his need.
Not that his need was wrong in fact I hope he finds someone to talk to.
Is the panicked needy person, the person that’s “drowning†that takes the would be rescuer down with them!
It’s our neediness is exactly what push’s people away.
But if you’re up to the task @killswitchon of taking on the responsibility of fixing someone then go for it. My bet though if the person you’re trying to help is to needy you will run to the hills.
Danglehesrt…..what’s up what do you want to talk about what’s going on……if your asking for advice….but base on your last post I suggest that you stop caring about disappointing people your family will still be there if they are disappointed are not and you teacher and boy friend and fuck off if they are too disappointed…..I know your feelings of guilt…..I hate disappointing people to…..like I even have a really hard time saying no to anything…..but it’s nice to know that nobody will truly care…..and that if they tick you off by being too disappointed in you….. You can leave them and never have to see them again….aka drop there calls , stop visiting avoid places that they are at…..don’t kill your self becuase they are unhappy…don’t kill your self becuase you are disappointed in your self …..just Chang who you are or deal…..
If you can’t do that then fine do what you want…..but you should at less try
Ps… The thing that I learned at the mental ward is that depression is selfish, that kinda pissed me off, but if you think about it is ok to be a bit selfish if we wasn’t we will just work for other our whole life and life will be boring becuase no one will know what they like they will just be trying to please every one eles….what out any body knowing what they their selfs want…..life will be pointless if we didn’t have some want, and times to be selfish
Hi Dangleheart,
you can talk to me anytime
my philosophy is nobody knows what the fuck is going on
but daft as it sounds i believe in love
and thats there’s really shit people out there
but for what its worth, and i will chnage my mind tomorrow
it just might be that it can be alright, no matter what (even tho last night I was thinking about murdering someone who hurt me – hurt me bad)
here’s my emal — dreaming__one(at)outlook.com (there are 2 underscores)
@animerocks500
depression doesn’t seem selfish to me.. I think they’re wrong..
depression seems to be caring about your life and circumstances..
and feeling that it isn’t how it be.. like you f’d up or someone else f’d up
your life.. things got screwed up along the way..
and you know(or maybe don’t know) why.. a spiraling staircase that broke..
bridge that didn’t go all the way across.. and by the time you understood..
you were already drowning from the water below..
but you still care about your life.. that’s why depression hit..
somewhere deep down you still care.. sad that psych wards don’t get that..
Oh gosh … What can i say to these reactions? I think thank you is just not enough. You guys are amazing for actually taking time out to actually write back to me, and it really truly makes my heart swell.
I know that it can come as selfish and i know what it does it other people. I guess that’s why i am here “venting” i guess you could say, instead of at my parents/ friends/ families door step.
I’m considered the “strong” and “smart” one of my family. The one who’s going to do something with her life. It’s all to much for me to handle at times. It’s hard to hide my massive insecurities away, and last night it all just boiled over.
I think i need to see someone because this feeling/ emotions are just quite frankly terrible.
I just feel i’m trying to be someone i’m not to live up to expectations of what the people around me want me to be!
It’s nice to know that people out there, actually care and thank you for your supportive words/ advice. I will seriously take it on!
@ killswitchon: thank you~ you’re an amazing person
@ shadowclone0: that is very true! That’s actually what i think everyday. I guess sometimes it gets a little … much 🙁
@ animerocks500: Ah you read that hey? Sometime i feel i cant do anything right. It just sucks. But thank you so so so much for actually reading that and for the advice
@ butterfly_free: Thank you, i will definitely shoot you a email sometime! You are lovely!
Sorry Dangleheart Not my intention to imply that you were in any way being selfish. I thought I made that clear in my initial but from the reactions I’m pretty sure people done read through a whole post where I attempted to make that clear, and that I wanted for you to get the most of the help your looking for.
I’ve been their, I suspect everyone’s been their. Things become to much and we seek out help like a drowning man. Taking a moment to create some inner space just seems prudent to me. perhaps a metaphorical slap to help us see better…
I have learned something here though, metaphorical speaking when we hurt we don’t tend to read the full post and instead react to a single word or statement… When we hurt we don’t see very well… remember that when you find yourself upset with the person you seek help from.
Good luck and All the best
I see it is time for me to move on, nothing I have learned makes a bit of difference