Dear sp, don’t comfort me, I’ve done something terrible. I let my family influence me once again. I’m leaving this place – not killing myself, just leaving my family. Im different maybe than all of you. I think you’re nicer than me. Â whatever I ever wrote on here was sincere, from my heart, but it’s not enough. I’m weak. Everyone has been so caring and helpful.
The one part of myself I thought was ok is gone.
I’m just a fuck up. I just absolutely fucking hate myself.
8 comments
You’re a good egg.
thanks! =)
I meant:
@Exit to Nowhere. thanks! =)
You’re way too hard on yourself. I’ve actually read most of your comments and posts so I know what’s been troubling you inside. You’ve just got to let it go and know that everyone thinks your great.
@Exit to Nowhere
I want you to know how much this meant to me. I’ve read it many times and just – thank you.
And it is time to let it go. I think just maybe i can do that now. I almost just don’t care anymore. Not in a childish way, but a really … I don’t care anymore way.
But really I just wanted to say thank you.
I hope you don’t mean your giving up on life. I reckon that if you saw yourself the way most people saw you then you wouldn’t say that.
@Exit to Nowhere
No, not giving up on life. That came out all wrong. I meant more I don’t want to think about painful things anymore. Obviously I never did want to and no one does, but I’m tired of ignoring the things that made/make me happy. I don’t want to analyze my past anymore. That’s what I mean about not caring.
Not caring to figure it out or make sense of it anymore. I’ve seen the big picture of things, I know the theories, who is and isn’t to blame etc. I just don’t want to think about it anymore. In a way it’s just not that complicated. People have reactions like any creature would. It’s natural.
I still have some problems but I just try and ignore them. (I over react or get a little shakey about things – & I think I wont comment on posts for a bit till this gets better) And there’s some other stuff, but I’m working on it.
I want to learn Russian and Math and paint, play a guitar, do things that make my brain hurt ina good way. I want to calm down and I want to get excited.
And thanks again for your sweet words.
Be creative, be creative and be kind.
I think the problem that some people have, which you don’t have, is that they’ve burnt the candle at both ends. They can’t go back because of their past and they can’t go forward either because there other substantial obstacles they can’t overcome. So, they are stuck in a place in-between life and death writing sports commentaries that no one reads. There should be a name for that place. You have to do your best to not end up like that by living perfectly well from now on and not allowing anyone to influence you in any way.