Last time I posted here I went home and swallowed 69 50mg trazedones. Unfortunately I failed again.. How many times will I fail before I get it right.. its killing me to continuously post here about my failures. I spent a week in the gutters they call behavioral institutes and i feel like im getting worse, I feel robotic.. like a mechanical animal.. i hate swallowing diamonds they’re killing my head.. but then thats where the true reality lies isnt it.. in my head.. yesterday i found a beautiful rose, her thorns work beautifully against my skin, thats all i can do.. keep picking “roses” and work on faking my entire wrecked being.. i feel so alone.. lost in a digital sea.. im all out of sorts today..
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I’m here if you need to talk or vent. I know exactly how it feels to have failed attempts but somehow you have to keep going.. that’s what I keep telling mysel, although it’s so difficult to keep that promise when you’re in the dark.
I wish i was as lucky as you to have that many drugs around to kill myself.
You keep failing because youre not meant to die yet. Youre time will come, but you dont have to kill yourself for it to get there. You dont have to be alone okay? Im here for you and if you want to talk feel free to talk to me whenever you want. -> zquijas10@ymail.com
Hang on and stay strong 🙂
Its okay, maybe ill try running into the freeway next time, i mean, itll hurt but it cant hurt to try ya know?