Another morning…..trying to focus. Â I just can’t. Â Why? Â To what end? Â For another morning, years from now, to realize the same thing every waking moment that I’m miserable and there’s no point. Â I can barely look at myself without breaking down. Â I hate myself – unworthy fuck. Â Fuck you all for making me feel like a freak, but fuck myself most of all for letting it get to me. Â I wish I could be stronger. Â I should be. Â I thought I would have grown out of this, but it’s always there really. Â I feel like a scared spoiled brat wasting away in a 30 year old body. Â If I don’t die soon, I’ll be posting anonymous rants for 50 more years or so. Â Pathetic, isn’t it? Â Can you not tell, I lack the guts to take responsibility for my own life and just end it?
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4 comments
Stray this is exactly the same thing that im going through now but im going to get gassed soon..
yep, same feelings here. Same shit, different day. That’s why I’m close to pulling the trigger. Can’t keep on like this much longer.
I know how you feel… many of us are on the edge… just waiting to jump
@Absolute, I had to read around to figure out what you meant by “gassed”. I’m confused about suicide when I apply it to myself. I have not attempted it, I only fantasize about it and cut myself. I wish I could die but I’m lucky to have people/pets I care about and I worry for them. They keep me grounded to this world. I don’t know what it’s like not to have ties to humanity and I don’t know if I’d have the courage to take my own life. Although, I spend an unhealthy amount of time researching ways to do it – painlessly – like your plan.
I wish you well. I hope for you to have a happy life, but yeah, we’re on SP so……I guess I can only wish you the best on your trip. I don’t know how to reply really, sorry, I feel awkward now responding. It’s easier to post and walk away. I’m terribly socially anxious as well. I’m currently pursuing a more reclusive life in the country. At least I have goals, haha.