I wonder if I were rich would I feel like this. Then I realize money really means nothing. Look at kurt cobain, brad delp, jovan belcher, chris benoit, bob birch, don cornelious, chris lighty, mindy mcCready, roy raymond, and countless others. Money dont mean shit and neither does fame. These people had it all and had accomplished things most of us will never come close to doing and still fell victim to this pain……money cant buy happiness and if it cant then what can?
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‘Money’ is essential for exchange, it serves as a medium for exchange of goods and services, without ‘money’ we’d be trading carrots for a computer, so to speak.
I know that but it doesnt do anything for the emotional pain and torment people feel. If the rich cant buy happiness the poor dont have a chance
In a word … no … money does not “solve” everything.
But, as they say it’s easier to cry in a Mercedes than it is on a bicycle.
money buys certain comforts, securities and can insulate people from the difficulties of poverty. What it can NOT do is change our state of mind … it can, however, open resources, doctors, therapies that may help the affluent find a way to cope with those feelings that the poverty stricken don’t have access to through wealth.
The major difference is, the rich and famous get noticed when they cannot solve their mental difficulties … the poor remain anonymous.
Think of it from the physical aspect – if a person loses a leg or arm … those limbs never grow back – but there are things that can be done to adjust … money makes that easier but that doesn’t mean a poor person cannot be productive while missing a limb … they might have to give up their dream to play baseball … but they can still do many good things – what matters is not dwelling on the problem, but finding a viable solution and working to make that solution a reality
poor dawg
I think that’s a staggering misconception, PainNlife.
The rich can’t buy happiness because they are blinded by excess, not because money doesn’t matter. They are desensitized. They no longer appreciate the value of their dollars, because they have so many of them.
If what you want cannot be purchased, then no, money can’t buy happiness. Not directly, anyway. However, in many cases, money can buy opportunity and experiences… and precious moments are what make life worth living. So if you can figure out what you should actually be doing with your riches, then yes, money can indeed “buy happiness.” Unless of course you are too crippled or disfigured to ever actually participate in the experiences you require for happiness.
Perhaps more importantly: money that isn’t yours, can’t buy you anything at all.
Money could buy me things and experiences that i want to be able to experience and enjoy. Experience and enjoyment would certainly at least contribute to my happiness. It can’t directly buy happiness, but it is literally the most important and effective aspect of the overall solution.
It’s not about the money itself, but that it allows one to do more of what they find meaningful, and allows one to practice and maintain better physical health. It allows you to avoid almost everything you want to avoid.
To say those things are worthless or meaningless… indicates a lack of appreciation of life’s *potential.
Perhaps my largest issue is that i am unable to utilize my potential, primarily due to lack of access to resources.
Having money gives you options which, with a better understanding of yourself and your environment, you can use to do what you want to do.
Plenty of people end up with riches they are not prepared to deal with, and have no idea how to use it to make themselves happy.
Money doesn’t automatically fix anything. You have to know what to do with it, and have it while it’s still possible to use it for what would make things better.
I understand what you are saying…..but I dont think all the people I named devalued their dollars. I think the pain got to them despite the riches. Its like people think wealth is a protection against depression or deterrent to suicide and its not. physical health means nothing If you have a mental illness. I think life has great potential to be great….but it also has great potential to be painful too….unfortunately my life is living up to the latter
clevername aptly points out that “happiness” can never actually be “bought” … it is not “for sale” – for any amount of money … it is created – chosen – experienced.
both the richest and poorest people in the world can be wildly happy singing and dancing in the rain … all it takes is rain, and access to the outdoors.
however,money can create opportunity to travel to and live in a place where it rains more often giving the affluent more opportunity to experience that same happiness.
more often than not, people who cannot find happiness are too busy being focused on their sadness instead of creating opportunities for the happiness they really want … seems simple enough – but we let ourselves get distracted by the things that may limit our opportunities to find happiness
perspective dawg
I agree dawg….but even if you dont focus on the pain it doesn’t mean its not there. If a bee stung you you can choose to pretend it doesn’t hurt but that doesnt stop the brain from sending pain signals to your body. I want to find a reason….not a cliche to live….and its just outright hopeless.
Money doesn’t buy happiness but neither does being poor. Happiness is a difficult thing to obtain regardless of financial state. Also some problems money can’t fix. Even in your list Benoit and Belcher both had a history of head trauma that undoubtedly influenced their respective tragedies. I do believe that financial security can go a long way in making a person better but it’s up to the individual to create happiness for themselves.
The truth is that we need both access to the means, resources, and options to create our own happiness, as well as the sheer will to do so. If any of those factors are missing, it becomes quite difficult.
Money can provide access to options, but it can also cause “choice overload.” One thing i sometimes irrationally stress about is that in choosing any option, i’m also choosing Not the other options. I can’t just do one thing and be happy. I need to do all the things. Obviously, “ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!” So, even if i had unlimited money, i would not have enough time to do everything i could financially afford.
Still, i would love the chance to just be content with doing just one thing (preferably the most important one), rather than living just to watch everyone else live.
I have the will to be happy, to create happiness, and the capacity to be content with lesser goals… i just can’t solve the access problem. I can’t help but think that if i could just solve the access problem, i’d be “fine,” even if i’m still miserable sometimes, still depressed sometimes, and still consider just ending it all, sometimes.
I feel you completely. This life is damned for some and glorious for others smh. Money is made of cotton and we strive for that? That’s so retarted. I’ve never known true happiness, I doubt it exist.
I ask myself what would make me happy…but they are all impossible things….like seeing my dead grandfather or the “peterpan syndrome” and staying 12 forever. I cant relive the happy times I do remember and my future doesn’t have any in sight…..on my 21st birthday I was so depressed I just stayed in bed and cried…….Its just so downhill from here
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make a miserable existence more tolerable.
Maybe you don’t need “happiness.” Maybe all you really need is to find some regularly attainable enjoyment, and not be perpetually miserable. Meaninglessness doesn’t have to equate to misery. “Happiness” seems like a pipe-dream in and of itself. I don’t think we should hold such impossibly lofty goals. Excessively elevated expectations and unrealistic desires, only lead to profound disappointment.
Start taking better care of yourself, and go make some money. Or maybe try to get on disability, and spend time volunteering, or make art, or something. Try to figure out what is the absolute minimum acceptable quality of life you’d be willing to strive to achieve and maintain.
but that only applies to some people. I would be lying if I said being rich wouldnt make my existence more tolerable…….but my thing is I will still feel the same way….I will still be me….the depression wouldnt go anywhere….my regret for the past wouldnt go anywhere….. my self esteem wouldnt automatically sky rocket…. my only comfort would be money and you can have money and still be miserable…
I cannot pretend to know what you value or brings you happiness … all i can tell you is that while i agree that pain can always be there – such as your bee sting example … the more you stare at the stung spot and focus on it – the more distinctly aware you will be of it … and the less weight and importance you’ll give to the bowl of ice cream in the kitchen … conversely … despite the bee sting, you could go and enjoy the ice cream and while eating it, you’d be more focused be on that task and your enjoyment of that task would override the pain of the sting, thus minimizing it – if only because you are distracted from it.
You own your brain – and that gives you the ability to control what you deem deserves the priority within your brain … a brain is a tool that you control – barring illness of course. but a lot of people think they have no control over their brains – and that is just not true … no different than a car can be driven wildly or recklessly without hands on the wheel and a foot mashing the gas … or it can be controlled safely and responsible – provided it is in good repair (read as: no illness present)
again – the concept is relatively simple – implementation is somewhat more difficult … but the first thing one must do is consider that their preconceptions of how their brains work might be wrong and to reestablish that actuality that any and all thoughts in a healthy brain can basically be chosen and prioritized
Your reason for living … i don’t know … that is for you to decide … but you’re not likely to find it … or see it, when you focus all your attention on the pain that your brain can manufacture when not under control. Brains go on autopilot when you take your hands off the controls and will wildly create any and all manner of random thoughts and ideas – but we can control those by applying logic to those thoughts and ideas instead of just assuming our brain “knows what’s best” … in other words … our brain can tell us we were stung by a bee … but ask yourself … were you outside? did you see a bee? did you feel the bee? is there a wound where the “sting” is? … just because we “feel” it, doesn’t necessarily make it “real”
Dogs make me happy … that does not mean i never get angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, frustrated with them … but overall i love them … despite all the difficulties they can create or hardships they can bring to me … i choose to prioritize their fellowship and company and love and loyalty above the occasional hardship of feeding or cleaning up after them or having them die … a choice, a weight, a measure of my value in that experience.
I could just as easily find hopelessness in my personal world of poverty and pain … but i choose to prioritize my world to helping to save dogs … and it may never make my bank account rich … but i find happiness in that despite the rest of the misery. A choice in my priority and focus – doesn’t matter if it makes sense to anyone else … i love them – they appreciate me, and they get to live where otherwise they might die horribly … people call me stupid … i don’t care what they think … that’s THEIR problem
dog’s dawg
I’m pretty sure if i had money it would make my existence bearable. if you have money you can do things you want like join some courses, travel and buy stuff. That alone would be enough to live a decent life. But yeah, the depression wouldn’t go anywhere
I had 6 jobs in the last 4 years and I was either fired or quit because of my inability to do a satisfactory job. hell most days I was distracted thinking about “what ifs” or regrets or planning my suicide….and these were not shitty jobs most paid above minimum wage . but for disability I have to go to the doc and I just dont want that in my mental health report then have to take all these weird medicines that arent guaranteed to work and some even have a risk to make you more suicidal….I get any more suicidal and I will need a toe tag….or I say something wrong and they 51-50 me which is even worse.
I feel you dawg but everybody brain is different. even if they are sane its only so much a person can tolerate. 1 bee sting you can probably ignore and focus on something else…..can you ignore 20? or 50? what happens when you cant ignore the pain any longer? it stays there and eats at you until you do something about it….the cliche I hear is “when you’re going thru hell keep going” but for how long? what if it never ends? Im not trying to be pessimistic but at what point do you simply say enough is enough?
I know plenty of rich people and I never hear them complain about it. I find that generally, the biggest aspiration of people that have lots of money, is to acquire more. However, here is an article that I found featuring 10 millionaire businessmen who committed suicide:
http://www.businesspundit.com/10-millionaire-businessmen-who-committed-suicide/
When you spend your life working and putting a lot of effort into financial security only to find that it was all for nothing, it’s not just your fortune that you lose, it’s also a persons dedication. It’s too far to go back and start all over again.
I suppose it depends on what makes you happy. Some people like to acquire large amounts and never spend it. If you imagine collecting sports memorabilia, paintings or antiques; those objects collect dust, clutter the place yet to their owner they provide great satisfaction that others might not appreciate.
Generally, money doesn’t buy happiness although it would certainly improve a persons quality of life.
I had 7 jobs in the past 2-3 years and also got either fired or quit because I can’t deal with this every day routine crap. I can’t stand normal people, they irritate me. Every time I wake up in the morning I am hating life. What do you have, bipolar? I take anti-psychotics and I’ve managed to trick the doctors into thinking that I’m fine so they wouldn’t take me to the looney bin..
I am afraid to seek help because of like you said being placed in the ward. I dont know what exactly is wrong but I know I am not “okay”. I just wish happiness was as simple as other problems like hungry=eat, bored=entertain, horny=sex, but its not its much more complex and has so many factors that you cant control that determines if you are. riding a bike may make a fitness nut happy but it wouldnt make somebody who hates the out doors happy. and then throw negatives like pain and depression and they zap the “happy” out of everything.
@pain … how long do you keep going? … until you get where you’re going … you are now changing the parameters … we discussed 1 bee sting … now “what if 20 or 50?” … come on … you know that is unreasonable … because you’re choosing to keep creating a scenario that nets you an answer you expect … i can’t bite on that bait. Because if i do, then you’ll come back with 100 or 1000 … this is your brain running out of control …. you know as well as i do – it’s simply absurd and unending.
what if it never ends? you’ll never know unless you go that next step, the next 100 yards the next mile … cliche as it is “the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step … if you never take that step, you simply never get there to determine if the journey was worth it … some journeys are … some are not … depends on what is important to YOU. sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. you can keep making arguments for inaction or giving up … and that is fine … but “you get what you pay for” … and no effort yields no return – period … your choice.
if i don’t take in this dog – it “could” die … i can make myself believe someone else will step in to make it safe … or i can do it and KNOW it’s safe.
options dawg
My therapist told me they cannot legally place you in the psychiatric ward unless you either threaten people, behave violently or are thinking of suicide. To commit a person to a ward in any other case they have to sign a paper that the person in question is willing to go voluntarily. There was a case that she described to me of a guy who locked himself in a hotel room and was licking chalk and lighting candles and talking to the walls. His parents wanted to have him put away but the therapist told them unless he starts damaging stuff or throws himself out the window they can’t do anything. Medication can help some people, it can even dramatically improve their condition. For others it is futile. Depends on the situation.
I understand that dog but thats the reality of life. No one chooses how many times they are stung…Im just trying to be realistic. Nobody chooses how much shit comes there way. and whose to say the 1000 miles is actually a 1000 miles? whose to say if mines is uphill or downhill or simply leveled? one option that works for person A may not be applicable to person B. some people just think money is the Cure-all but sadly its not its like a bandaid…..on certain wounds a bandaid would do more damage than good. A poor depressed person can get rich and be a rich depressed person. I just want an answer that I guess I will never find and thats okay because I dont expect to.
I know but the fact is I am suicidal. I don’t want to lie about my symptoms and be prescribed some bullshit that sends me over the edge. suicide is like the panic word for doctors and I dont want to take that risk and be held. There is nobody in the mental health profession that I can be honest with and expect them not to think im crazy. because that what they think all suicidal people are….crazy…..and most of us are not….we just see life for the bullshit it is for most people
But you are not being realistic – you’re creating roadblocks for yourself to turn around and say “Aha! see? Roadblocks – how can i get past them?” … you created them … you can circumvent them – or make them go away outright.
what difference does it make how much shit you get … or the path of your road … none of that matters … what matters is how you handle the shit, or do you choose to let it bury you. the road is the road – whether up down or flat … the journey don’t get shorter by bitching at the path … only by walking it … or driving a ferrari … either way if the road is not traveled you’ll never get where it goes … period.
we all want something … the question is will we look for it? or sit around waiting for it to fall out of the sky?
walking dawg
Hint – even a lottery win requires one to go buy a ticket 😉
nobody rides for free dawg
“I am only one but still I am ONE.
I cannot do everything but still I can do SOMETHING.
And because I cannot do everything …
I will not refuse to do the SOMETHING that I can do.”
— Helen Keller
the difference is that not everybody is the same. you may have traits and skills for dealing with stress and pain that I dont have. I know life isnt fair but everybody isnt built for the long haul. I am one of those not built for the journey of life….If I feel like this at 21….I can only imagine how 31 or 41 will feel….and this is not a feeling I developed over night It built up slowly and its becoming hard to cope with. the path I am on isnt just a path anymore its becoming a mudslide and I have skates on. and yes a lottery win does require you to buy a ticket but for every winner how many losers are there? you may be the winner but chances are everybody else lost. and odds are they wont ever win so eventually……they give up and stop playing……no body bitches at the start of the path…..they get to the middle and realize they didnt sign up for all the shit they will encounter on said path and no man walks the same road….you may make it to the end….I wont
More roadblocks … erected by you … no one can “know the future” they can only predict or assume … and guess … if i had a dime for everything i was “sure” i could not do … well … let’s just say, I wouldn’t be here 😉
it doesn’t matter “what you never signed up for” … last time i check “birth” is not a multiple choice … it just is … deal or choose not to … but that IS a choice … can’t spin your way out of it no matter how many roadblocks you choose to build. but if you put half as much energy into trying to do something instead of finding reasons to do nothing you might actually get somewhere … again – a choice … one that has no effect on me.
lonely road dawg
I never chose depression or the regret or low self esteem or whatever else is wrong with me. Roadblocks are a part of life no matter who you are some people get more some get less. My thing is I dont have the ability to deal with the bullshit in my life. Im weak , a coward, no backbone whatever you call it thats me. and I dont find reason not to do something Ive accepted what I simply can and cannot do. Lebron james can dunk because he has that ability I dont therefore I wont try. You have the ability to persevere. I dont so why would I try? I could go do A lot of things within my ability but the ability to do those things weakens when you throw in mental illness
We all have strengths and weaknesses – depression is valid and need be dealt with in whatever means available – but regret can be forgiven and self esteem can be built – everything requires action
there is strength, courage and resolve in being able to self assess and admit ones flaws honestly and publicly … trying to equate yourself to Lebron james is absurd … no one is asking you to carry a basketball team on your shoulders to glory (totally pointless and grossly over valued if you ask me) … and who says i have the “ability to persevere”? i simply don’t focus on the totality – but only on the next step – the next moment … and the hungry dog that needs me to feed him … after that, i cannot be concerned with it because the next moment a million different things could happen that completely rewrites my reality.
i don’t really care if you “try” or not … that’s your choice … but don’t blame the world for things you choose to do or not do – that’s disingenuous
honest dawg
im not blaming anything or anyone Im just acknowledging the facts of life. typing actions is a total different ballgame than taking action. its not as easy as you may want to portray it and the lebron thing was an example I could’ve easily said a friend can dunk but I chose him to emphasize the drastic difference in ability skill and opprotunity some people have over others.
drastic over exaggeration IS disingenuous because as i said – no one is asking you to perform herculean feats … and you ARE trying to blame the world – “I never asked for this …” “I never signed up for that …” action is action – pure and simple … nothing wrong with asking for help or clarification … but summarily rejecting it as “just too hard” … bah … that’s just lazy … “Wah, I don’t wanna take a bath” bullshit … whatevers 😛
you keep trying to make everything this big tremendous and arduous impossible task (like making dunks in a NBA Finals game) … the facts of life are simple – you don’t get anywhere if you don’t make a single solitary effort – that single step does not require super powers … it’s just a step … a single step … and when you make that step … you simply make the next step … you’re not going to mordor with the one ring that rules them all … you’re just going to the store, or to work, or to the park or where ever. life ain’t a movie and the script is not prewritten but the longer you wait to start, the longer it takes to get there.
but go ahead and keep making excuses for inaction – because so far that’s all you’ve given are weak excuses and tales of woe … but by all means, don’t let me start you 😛
it’s all choices and perceptions – and only YOU can make the choices and form the perceptions – but perceptions are not necessarily reality … sometimes what we think we see and feel on first glance is not what is truthfully real … and with almost everything there is a solution or workaround of some type … but if you are resolved to never look for it … you certainly will never find it … and you ARE fiercely fighting tooth and nail to maintain your right to refuse to even try
no one can help you make that choice. but that choice takes no strength or bravery or super human brain power – it’s just a simple choice … yes or no … left or right … on or off. complicate it all you want – it’s a simple choice … do or do not
dawg
No money does not buy happiness. But it buys you the yacht to sail right up to it.
thats true if you dont try you never get anywhere……but I didnt get here for lack of trying. I just said fuck it to hell with it. some people are taking steps on treadmills….going absolutely no where…and im not “fiercely fighting” anything. Im just explaining how I feel and why I feel that way. I could “try” to not feel depressed I could tell my self Im not depressed I could even take medicine therapy counseling whatever. but Its easier said then done. Its way more to life than “choices and perceptions” I could chose to perceive the background of this page as green but does that change the fact its blue? no. Circumstances, Bad choices, ill fortune, biological factors, psychological factors, capability, and many other things determine how you feel react and adjust to things. Im not trying to disprove what you are saying but you can make it seem like “he is just choosing to be broken” I didnt choose anything. you didnt chose to be you and thats fact. and I agree to not look is to not find but you can also look and never find and thats where I am. Perceptions are not reality but reality influences your perception. Reality is cops pull over blacks a lot and the perception is that they are prejudice. No one perceives a distorted reality unless they are delusional. Im just being a realist and trying to find the key while acknowledging that I may not find it
unless you get seasick
Life is unfair. The universe owes no one anything. Many of us are dealt crap hands, needles in haystacks, and thousands of miles of broken glass, upon which to walk or crawl or drag ourselves through.
Sometimes, the only way to make life “worth living,” is to cherry-pick the few good parts from the mounds of crap, and emphasize the piss out of them, while telling the rest of the bad parts to go F themselves.
Sometimes, the only way to keep a kitchen clean is to clean up everyone else’s mess. Sure, you didn’t make the mess… but it sucks to walk into a filthy kitchen every time you need something from it.
I’m a little intrigued by this debate. I’m curious about what exactly has Dawg so riled up today. I can’t help but be reminded of a discussion we once shared. 🙂
@PainNlife: i hadn’t mentioned it yet, but your first post reminded me of myself, “when i was your age.” Not identical, but not entirely dissimilar either. In fact, right around that time, maybe a little before, i remember having a sort of “episode,” and almost ended it all. AFAIK, i’m the only one who ever knew about it. Suffice to say, i changed my mind at the last possible moment. I saved my own life. I saved me from myself. I’ve actually done so many times, since then, and even before, but that one time was special. It left me with a lasting sense of indomitable will, and a type of anger i still carry, to this day. I used to carry it well, it used to be my best “fuel.” But eventually i couldn’t handle it anymore, and i broke. I have some physical problems, but the point is that you can decide to try as hard as you can, to make things as better as you can make them, and you can decide to be content with the best you can do, being all you can do.
People like to say stuff like: “it never hurts to try!”
But of course it does. It hurts to try. The trick is to find something that’s worth the pain, to gain what’s on the other side, at the end of the path that must be fought through, to reach.
I bet you probably feel antagonized, but Dawg is pretty much right. You can choose not to make it all harder than it has to be. You can choose to simplify. You can choose to relax and breathe and be more accepting of things, and try to compose and center yourself, and just start from where you are… and just do the first thing. Then do the next thing. Move at a comfortable pace, one thing at a time, until you feel ready to do more at once.
Don’t think of it as “impossible.” Think of it as “necessary,” in order to build yourself into something that doesn’t feel things are so impossible, or that nothing is worth trying to do. You’re still young enough to “turn it around” and make a life. Maybe start with forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and deciding to care about trying hard to make better choices from now on.
And i can tell you, from ~12 years into your future: the sooner you start making things better for yourself, the better. I can only wish i could go back to 21, and do what it would have taken, to make myself something better than what i am today. Get it together and dominate your out of control life.
@dawg I’ve read the whole back and forth between you guys and I have to say, Dawg, it ain’t as simple as you make it out to be. Life isn’t black and white. There are in fact many shades of grey. You don’t have mental illness. You don’t know what that’s like. You may have been around it but you can’t compare it to something physical because it is nothing like physical pain. I would trade all my mental anguish for inordinate amounts of physical pain at the drop of a hat. Hey, if you have complete control over your brain and mind–that’s cool for you–but that doesn’t mean you can tell somebody with depression to just “do” something or “snap out of it” or stop focusing on the pain. That’s like telling somebody in a pool to not get wet. I am a super strong person. Always have been and always will regardless if I commit suicide one day. PainNlife’s valid reasons for not going on aren’t necessarily excuses because they seem to be cop outs to you. As somebody who struggles with a mental condition that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, I know first hand what it means to lose control over life, my mind, every day “normal” choices, and whether my destiny is in my hands or not. I had control over it all before but now that’s not the case anymore. All this to say that you can’t lump his reasons and shit on him telling him they are “excuses”. It’s pretty harsh.
clevername – I know that but that still does not take away from it being hard. Im not trying to be a goth or emo who is obsessed with death Im just stating the reality. I know I have a choice I agreed with him on that but my point is its not easy. maybe you have that insight because you dont know the specifics of my predicaments. some of my problems and situations cant be solved they have to be managed. Im not looking for a pity party or the “woe is me” routine. Im just saying two different people dealt the same exact hand deals with things differently. two children could be around an alcoholic and 1 stays away and the other becomes an alcoholic. but what made which child go which way? a lot more comes into play than just perception and choices. there are so many factors and variables that affect the out come of things
killswitchon- thats all Im saying and he pretty much is like my family and friends who say the same things to me which is why I refuse to talk to them because they think its easy and simple to do this or that and thats not the case.
We’re all broken is some form or fashion … especially around here … i won’t sit here and deny that … i have never minimized your depression … which i gather is diagnosed … i’m sure i suffer from some level of undiagnosed depression … and i am well aware you cannot just wish it away as it were
yes – there is more to life than just “choices and perceptions” … but we can only control our choices and perceptions circumstances, environment and past events and past choices are all outside of our control. and you can only control what you can control … no matter how much you wish otherwise
you can no more change what other people choose than you can change the weather … it just is … but when it rains, most people will go indoors or open an umbrella or enjoy dancing and singing in the rain (actions) … they don’t just stop in place and freeze and opine how screwed they are that they got caught in the rain … they might ***** – but they’ll still ACT to minimize the discomfort.
my main point is now, and always has been, you can only play the hand you’re dealt – but nothing is gained by folding … you can argue that you’ve already lost because we’ve all already been forced to make the wager as a birthright … so why bother … because you can’t know you might not win or at least break even … or even just enjoy the experience along the way
my point is simple … try … might it be a futile effort? … yup … no one knows that better than me … but you cannot know that some unexpected good thing might happen either to you or or for something/someone you might care about … for me … my life is pretty wrecked and pointless … yup … EXCEPT, i can at least save some dogs from a certain fate – trust me – they don’t seem to mind one bit 😉
so by taking some type of action within my capabilities, i can at least create value where there otherwise is none. now i get it that you may not see much point … but you can’t know that tomorrow you won’t wake up and say AHA! if nothing else i can at LEAST do X Y and Z. and who knows if something doesn’t shake loose and break in your favor … you can assume … but you cannot know.
and yes – there’s a ton of bad shit in this world – but there’s plenty of good stuff too … again, where you choose to apply your focus is what you’ll see more of
just sayin dawg
“I’m curious about what exactly has Dawg so riled up today.”
I’m simply a cantankerous old codger 😛 it’s fun to stir the pot … and i’ve had a foul belly all day
loosy goosy dawg
Oh i know. Not much will take away from the difficulty. Only repetition and building endurance and coping skills will help with that. Establishing and maintaining a routine might help… but i realize that’s one of those “easier said than done” things.
I’m not trying to label you at all. I just see “some of myself” in the way i have interpreted your expressions.
I know what it’s like to feel like you’re not entirely in control of what is happening inside your mind, and subsequently, to and beyond your body. I know how it feels to fear the loss of control, when the spikes hit too hard. Like when “one of those things” just suddenly really gets to you, and you just want to LOSE IT all over someone’s face. And i hate feeling like that. And since i often can’t “just choose to feel differently,” i have to spend considerable energy on altering that feeling, even if only through refusing to act on it, straining in restraint, just to refrain from doing something destructive, to myself, or someone else who probably has no idea just how upset i really am… because i don’t want anyone to know just how much certain things really bother me. I don’t like that those things bother me that much. But i know myself well enough to know that it’s important that i care enough to strive to maintain control… even if the best i can do is remain passive, and not act.
It’s a struggle. I don’t have total control, but i do have enough, because i demand it of myself. Sometimes i feel like just letting it happen… but i know the consequences would be quite harsh, and would only serve to reinforce everything i don’t want to feel.
You’re right, it’s not “just perception and choices,” it’s also circumstances, and choices of others. None of us exist isolated in a microcosm. We all exist in a shared environment which is susceptible to effects generated by others choosing things that we would choose not to allow or encounter, were we capable of controlling that.
But everyone has circumstances. Everyone must make choices based on how they perceive what they encounter, and how they value the impacts their choices may have on others.
The only choices and actions you are responsible for, is your own. Try to own yourself. But try not to blame yourself for stuff others chose. As long as you strive to maintain self-control, you’re the one most qualified to draw the line between where your choice ends, and that of another begins. Try to be patient. Try not to make any important decisions while you’re distraught. Try to relax and weather the storms, to give yourself a chance to figure out whatever you might need to figure out, so that if there’s a better way, you can find it and use it.
Repost an excerpt from above to ensure clarity that i never said anything “was easy””
“again – the concept is relatively simple – implementation is somewhat more difficult … but the first thing one must do is consider that their preconceptions of how their brains work might be wrong and to reestablish that actuality that any and all thoughts in a healthy brain can basically be chosen and prioritized”
rerun dawg
^ was @PainNlife.
I did not “know” that Dawg was a cantankerous old codger, stirring the pot with an all-day foul belly. lol.
One thing i’ve long noticed – is CleverName is an intelligent and perceptive individual … we “see” many things fairly similar with mostly only minor differences and perspectives.
but yes … it is rather well known … dawg is a geezer 😛 who has learned much about life and the world … much of it through the results of mistakes and bad or uniformed judgments … do i know everything … not even close … and (non-existent) god knows it certainly ain’t “easy” even for the strongest, healthiest and smartest of us … we all have strengths and weaknesses that we need to identify and work within … yeah – it’s hard. of that there is no doubt … but it’s even harder if you take it one all by yourself without any consideration of the experiences and counsel of others.
but again – that’s another choice
dawg
sorry for the absence but in reply to your first post I agree but I just want to know what happens after you done everything? after you played the had and gave it the good ole college try? then what? Im not saying I dont have any skills or abilities I just think my minuses are outweighing my pluses at this point. and clevername I agree with what you said but after all is said and done I still feel the same on the inside I just feel like its no longer something I can solve anymore. I cant solve a problem as complex as mines. not saying I have the biggest and worse but only I know my pain and how it feels
PainNlife – I think your biggest problem here is that you haven’t yet learned to let go. Like your bee example, you get stung.. then that’s it. You just move on – dwelling on it and thinking of all of the possible outcomes/consequences of getting stung isn’t going to get you anywhere – it’s just going to make you even more upset.
Same with the whole regret thing, you can’t change the past.. all you can do now is let it stay in the past and take what can be learned from it into the future.. so when you find yourself in a similar situation again, perhaps you can find yourself a bit “happier” at the end of it.
Like someone once said, its not about how many times you fall, its about how many times you get up..
And maybe that’s where the whole “riches” thing comes from.. obviously some people will end up working harder than others.. perhaps even fall harder and more often than others.. and at the end of it maybe they’ll become rich.. and they’ll see all of the 0’s in their bank account that many desire for.. I’m not rich, but maybe they are happy because their money is like a trophy which shows how hard they’ve worked and persistent they’ve been over years.. and obviously being able to choose the “lifestyle” they want for themselves and their family will be the biggest pay off.
But despite that, like someone said earlier, there will be people out there who have next to nothing and are some of the happiest people in the world. Maybe its from the simple things like watching the sunrise of each day and just admiring the beauty that already exists in the world.. being around other people and being able to share their happy moments with them.. or even learning something new about this mysterious world we live in each day..
All I know is that there will be people who are just damn depressed and others who are just blatantly happy despite their struggles – and it does really come down to how you deal with things (which can always be learned). In my opinion, we’ve had all that we ever needed to be “happy” for many millenniums.. it’s just being able to appreciate what you’ve already got – not what you don’t have.
If you keep telling yourself that you’re this and that.. then that’s all you’re ever going to be and you’ve already shut the door to what you could become.
Its hard for me to let go. I try to forgive myself but that doesnt stop the voice in my head from telling me I fucked up. I know people say dont dwell on the past but the past was a happy time for me until all the other shit happens so naturally I go back there. I hate that time is one directional. I hate having to fake emotions just to avoid people asking me am I okay. I hate that Ive lost some of the best friends that I ever had. I hate that Ive lost opportunities and social status. I cant change these things and acceptance is a *****. The good memories are bittersweet because they dont exist anymore. I really feel like suicide is my answer. I dont want to live a life full of regret pain and misery while constantly having the knowledge that It wasnt always like this. Its like watching a movie then all of a sudden the screen goes black….Do you accept that the screen went black or do you say hey! the fuck happened!? and thats where I am…..like what the fuck happened? where did all the color in my life go?
I think I could have all the money in the world but If couldn’t buy a time machine I would say fuck it and give it all to charity. life so far has just left a sour taste in my mouth. Some of this shit I put on my own plate so most of the blame is on me but other things I was born with. I wish I was any fuckin body else no matter what they looked like or their financials or whatever…..as long as they are not depressed and are happy…otherwise Im still in my shit…..and the hardest part is that I cant talk about these things because of the “cultural norms” nothing is ever kept secret if you tell 1 person you told everybody especially where im from.
thats it man. no time machine then I dont give a fuck. Dude, im right where you are. Been there for a while though. All I can do is look back and blame myself for where I am. Movie screen went black and I’m wondering what the hell happened…I had an amazing past compared to this and its like PTSD. I’m sittin’ here shell shocked wondering how it came to be like this.
a few times Ive even had lucid life like dreams that I was back in the good days….and It makes waking up so much FUCKING HARDER. …. My thoughts always drift off into the “what ifs” and the “I wish” and then I realize Im forever stuck with this bullshit
Same here. I have lucid dreams every night and I never want to wake up, I sleep around 14 hours every night and its fucking hard to wake up in the morning. I don’t see how the world will change in the future and I don’t see any reason to go on
Me either. but honestly………I wish happiness was something I could buy in a store and inject it into me. Its like the people who have it are the truly wealthy despite thier financial situation
Yeah. I look around and wish I was anyone else, anyone who is happy and whose brain isn’t trying to destroy them from the inside. I know I have the potential to enjoy life to it’s fullest given the right circumstances but that’s a dream that will never come true. I even wish I was a cat or a dog. Anyone but me, or any person with mental issues. The way i see it happiness is 3 things; money, love and friends. The more you have of those 3, the happier you are.
I rather be a bird ….an eagle or falcon …because they can fly and probably have an amazing view of the land… and yes that may be happiness but sadly I dont have any of those things….all my friends are all long gone….I have no income / no savings…..I have people that love me but I dont even love me….Its hard to love others if you have none for yourself.
Sure would be nice to be a bird.. If I could fly that would be awesome..I don’t have any of those things either. My friends were jerks and let me down , allowing me to crash the way I did.. nobody was by my side when I crashed. I wonder what the future holds. If it’s worth waiting it out or if it’s better to end it now while still young.. I can’t imagine myself being in my 30s.
I know its hard enough thinking of how bad the next years will be let alone when Im in my 30s. I dont even care about the future anymore because years ago today was the future and If things keep going the way they are I can imagine what they will become. I know I wont wake up one day down the line and be magically happy go lucky so Im more like what the fuckin point. I dont love myself which is probably the most basic of needs for a human to function correctly. money couldnt even make me love myself rather a had billions or a penny. and yeah once “friends” know you have mental issues they begin to talk about you and distance themselves but hey fuck them they didnt sign a contract for friendship so I cant expect them to understand or be here. I prefer isolation anyway because socialization is hard when you cant give a fuck what the other person is talking about
yeah but isolation is loneliness. did you ever love yourself before and stopped or was it always like that? yea they didn’t sign a contract you have a point but it still leaves a bitter feeling and a hatred of humanity for me. I was there by their side but they weren’t there by mine. If there is no mutual understanding between friends then what the hell is the point anyway. money won’t make you love yourself, it has to come from the inside. I do love myself but it doesn’t help me in any way, not even the basics of functioning correctly like you said. It doesn’t make fuck all difference to me. And the loneliness kills me, I’ve got nobody to talk to except my stuffed crocodile.
I thought I did but now I realize I never have. I let people take advantage of me. I constantly lied about my life and never wanted to be myself. I was and still am ashamed of who I am. I pretended to be someone I wasnt. I hated looking in the mirror cause it always reminded me of how ugly and different I am and even as I type this and think about it anger boils inside me making me want to just rip my own head off