Can’t hold on anymore..but scared

Bad pic, but nice face. 🙂

I agree, i think lots of people fear whatever afterlife they are taught or willing to believe. I find the prospect of the process, itself, far more terrifying. I’ve known excruciating pain, torment, agony… and i’m quite certain that almost all deaths are painful to some degree. However… i also realize that when you want something bad enough, it’s worth facing and enduring considerable pain, to achieve. So while i find the prospect of the pain of death quite terrifying, i also tend to think of it like a band-aid. You don’t pull slowly and drag it out… you prepare and rip, and it’s done, and the pain subsides “soon enough.” Again, on the other hand, the idea of having no way of knowing, and nothing to indicate any future chance to live again, whether as a spirit, or another life in a new body with no memories of this one… the possibility of eternal nothingness, and not even being aware of the void of consciousness at all… makes me think that maybe i should endure as much suffering as possible, and try to win that “war of attrition,” and stick around long enough to know what “all i could do” really means. Life and time are the most precious things… because we cannot start them over or get them back, and they are finite, and whether we want it or not, sooner or later, we will all have an ending.

There are lots of good things that can still happen, if you can learn to manage the obstacles, both externally and internally, so that you can spend your time and energy working toward those good things, rather than struggling with impossible obstacles, or just lying on the ground, defeated.

You know already. Be strong. It’s hard. You’ll have to fight for every step and earn those small victories. Focus on what’s important, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Find where “realistic” and “worthwhile” overlap, and keep taking that one next step at a time, until you reach a destination you like… but remember that the “point” is the journey. Life is all about how you live it, what you do, how you feel in each moment, and what intent or motivations drive you to do whatever things are right for you, and whether you are able to figure out what is “worth it” to you.

Maybe start taking inventory of yourself. Go to the source, to determine how best to solve the problems. Don’t be afraid to live. Be fearless. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, unless you know on your own that you’ve done wrong. And if you make mistakes, forgive yourself for being human, and try to make amends. And if people don’t appreciate your charms… fuck ’em. I’m sure there are many who would.

So, did you change the pic because i said the other one was “bad?”

What i meant was not in reference to your ability to take a picture, but that the quality of image your camera had produced was seemingly low. Both are grainy and a bit blurry, but the face they show is attractive.

I wasn’t trying to be critical in any way. If anything, i was trying to draw attention away from the compliment. I don’t want to be that creepy guy on the internet drooling over some sad girl’s pretty face. And if you didn’t want people to see what you look like, why would you show us? You want us to see your image… but are you prepared to be found attractive?

Of course it’s not all about looks, but looks do matter, and yours should help. That alone can open some doors for you, which many others will never get the chance to walk through. If more people like to look at you, you’ll have more chances to find one that’s most like what you’d want. Those of us who get few chances, have to sort of latch onto anything that resembles “good enough.” And even that can be nearly impossible to find.

Even though the pictures are “technically bad,” or “low quality images,” it seems you’ve done rather well to maximize the capabilities of your equipment, and capture a good… damn, some photographer help me out with terminology here… “the picture is good, the content is good, but the quality of the image is bad.”

That’s the kind of bad you don’t have to worry about, unless you’re a pro photographer. I see nothing you should feel bad about in either one. Sometimes the best camera you have isn’t good. Not a problem. I feel a bit awkward that you changed it after i said that, and i hope that doesn’t mean my comment made you feel bad or self-conscious in any way.

(note: i’m not “going off about” anything… i’m just very verbose; ask anyone who’s been here a while. I just write a lot, sometimes about very little.)