I’m just your average teenage blogger, I’m average height, weight ect.
Nothing perfect about me, I hate myself, a lot.
I mean I shouldn’t there’s nothing really wrong with me, but I guess my problems are mine and they affect me.
I have been bullied since third grade, hasn’t stopped until now, tenth grade, because I’ve changed, boobs, bum, legs, waist you know how girls grow up, probably why they stopped teasing me.
But the damage has been done, every “you’re fat” “you have no friends” “I hope you die” “I’m coming for you” enough to drive you into fear and hiding, right? I started cutting about three months after it started, you know you’ll never forget that first time, seeing what it’s like but falling head over for the feeling even though it WILL ruin your life… I cut my stomach first, only small cuts gone by the third day but it got worse my stomach was covered, I moved to my arm, my wrists, my thighs, my calfs my chest anywhere I could cut I would and slowly deeper, my mum found out and instead of a “ill help you through this ill be there” it was more of a “if you ever fucking do that again ill end you and lock you in central health wars until you don’t remember your fucking name”
I felt trapped not know what to do but knowing how I was feeling, every time I was troubled I’d lock myself away and cut or cry or bruise myself.
I stopped after a few years I think it was seventh grade I stopped and tried to just make friends and not be that mess up of a girl, I stayed clean until ninth grade, then started again the stress of high school is too hard and I had anxiety attacks and all that, tried to end everything but instead was just sick for a few days, I started a tumblr and was bullied a little more nothing I couldn’t handle and I stopped and have been clean for 3 months now but I’m being triggered by a lot and I’m stressed don’t really know what to do.. Needed to vent.
2 comments
you sound like a lot to me… i wish i have nice words to tell you so you can feel better but i dont.. i think i am worst than you! but i feel you!!! ans i am sorry that all that is happen to you! i hope you can find you way for the best!
Its good to vent.. i have an obsession with punching things glass anything that will break and cut my hand to all hell the feeling is amazing..that was my form of release.. its good you have been clean for 3 months.. i WAS clean until about 7 months ago. when my world came crashing down.. now im back to punching things again.. i recently put my fist thru my family photo my ex and my 3 year old and myself.. i cut my hand pretty good.. i just wanted to say your not alone. everyone has their release. but im glad and proud your clean. stay that way. 🙂 its hard i know.. but honestly. talk it out. i can give you my email if u need to talk.