Most of the time I can’t see a future for myself.

Right now I’m stuck in a dead end job, not minimum wage, but damn close. Going back a few years, I got into college, computer engineering, something I’m rather good at. But as I’ve always done, I pissed away that chance, even got another after that, but in the end, even a third chance (financial issues, but it makes no difference why) over the next year I found love, someone that I hoped I could spend the rest of my life with, but within 18 months that fell through, crushed ever hope I had, almost killed myself after that. Spent a year and a half trying to forget, did a lot of drinking, in the end lost control and moved out of town, thought I could trust family, even found a job, but not happy, haven’t bean happy in a long time. I go to work I come home, again and again, but I don’t make enough to enjoy my hobbies. I exercise every day, but can never seem to loose weight. I can’t seem to get up the courage to off myself, but I won’t have the energy to move on if something else happens. I have a few people I chat to online, but in the end the only people that would care if I died, I don’t care about, and the two people I truly care about, wouldn’t even notice if I disappeared. I think I’ll get a gun, then I can follow though the next time I get the nerve, would make a mess, but my landlord’s a dick, so I don’t care.