My mom thinks I should do normal things that “happy” people do. she doesnt understand how IMPOSSIBLE it is to do those things when your mind is constantly working against you. I can smile like nothing is wrong and in my head that voice says “why the fuck are you smiling for?” I could watch my favorite movie and the voice says “you know that its not reality right? in real life you are a fucking loser”…..In my head Its like two voices. the one I use for typing and writing and basic communication then its the inner critic who points out all the flaws, bullshit, problems, and everything else wrong with me. I constantly relive old scenarios and try to identify why I have low self esteem or why I never stood up to bullies and why I followed the crowd or why I pretended to be someone else to fit in and be accepted. I never come up with any answers except I have no self worth or respect. Its so painful and heartbreaking to know you dont love yourself.
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” I can smile like nothing is wrong and in my head that voice says “why the fuck are you smiling for?†”
Wow. I know exactly what that feels like. That’s the exact same thing I hear in my head all the time. That voice of reason. Whenever I have a happy moment I think to myself “What the fuck are you so happy about?” … “You’ve got unfixable, unexplainable problems and you’re part of a world that’s a piece of shit” … “Get real. Stop laughing and having a good time”.
I know how you feel.
It’s tough sometimes.
Email me if you wish: brl.cents@gmail.com
I have a song I would like to share with you that I wrote.
me its not so much a voice but this inescapable dream state im in. so even if i somehow manage to laugh now. i laugh knowing im still in this state and at which point im like “why the fuck am i laughing..this isn’t funny. theres nothing funny about this life” type thing
I know what you mean though. Its like a living nightmare.I never have any happy moments maybe a laugh here or there but I never feel that happy feelings at all. I would rather live on a secluded island alone than be surrounded with people who are happy because I envy them. they dont feel this shit at all. I think posting on this site is a coping thing for me but eventually it will stop working. just like the weed and everything else did.
Da mind is VRY powerful. So as much as that voice can tell u: u nt gud enuf. U can also tell your brain that you good 4 something or at something.
Some problems are just too complicated to try change so u can decide to look at your problems diferently(have a diferent mentality towards them,a positive one).
1stly, you need to dig deeper as to what made u allow those people bully you,why you have a low self-esteem. When u find the answer to that Then Forgive Yourself for allowing yourself for putting yourself through all of that.
To try regain your self-esteem. You can start by writing 10things(talents,qualities,physical apearance etc.) each day that you love about yourself. During da 1st few dayz,it wil be hard to write 10 things but carry on everyday.
When the voice tells you something negative,respond with a positive comment. FIGHT the negative voices…
I hope this will help. Please try it. At least give up having tried.
If you want more clearance on this,you can e-mail me on: mbaliyourassistant@gmail.com
I cant regain something I never had. and dont give me that self help B.S I know you are trying to help but for every 10 things I like (which im not sure I can honestly list 10 things) there are 100 I don’t like and I can honestly point out lots of things I don’t like about myself. Im thru trying to convince myself Im worthy Ive already given up. At this point I just want OUT
No need for attitude. Suit yourself. Go out then!
I will ….Im just not sure when but I wont be here in 2014 I know that much and I don’t have an attitude I just dont like cliche replies