sad when you should be happy

Ive been clean for 2 months now but the struggle is still real im always thinking if i just had a line how great i would feel. I was sitting at a party tonight thinking why the fuck am i here whats the point wheres my joy. I should be having the time of my life but i cant break past the walls. I dont know whats happening i have a good job, good friends, good girl. But somehow i cant find happiness, how is one supose to want to live when he has everything he needs and wants but still is never happy. In the end i guess ill just keep faking my smile and acting happy until i finally end it all.