I haven’t written anything for a while. I guess because I was getting better. That’s the hardest part about living with depression, it can go away but it’ll keep on coming back, it really makes me want to just give up. Well, I really was getting better, my confidence was really increasing, I stared communicating a bit more, I even went out more. And just this past month it began to eat me up again. Just this month which is eight days I’ve collapse more than three times. I just break into tears and I feel as If I cannot be saved. I guess now I’m not gonna try to save myself because I’ve accepted the fact that no matter what happens ill always be sad. I was called weak and its true, i am weak and i might not even make the first semester if school. My suicidal thoughts however never stopped. I always think of methods, where I would do it..I doubt I’d kill myself at home because if I did, my choice of ending it would be a slow death. I’d cut every vein in my body. I’ve been doing research and well, it’s not difficult to find them. So I wouldn’t want my family to see me bloody in a tub, I’d just run away and do it in a far away place. I’d do it in a forest. With nature. I am part of nature and I shall die with nature. Well, school starts Monday, I’m really not looking forward to that, I’m the loneliest there. And now that I’m getting worse I can’t really communicate much..it will be hell. And its very saddening that I can’t tell any of my friends there, I can’t let them know because I’ve become distant and it will be hard to open up again. I’m getting tired. So damn tired. Only 16, and feeling truly worthless. The only person that makes me feel better lives miles away, and there’s no way to see him. He’s been a close friend for a year and some months now..I really wish we had school together…it will break him so much if I commit suicide this year..I don’t even know if I’ll make it to 2014. But for him, my mother,and my brother I’ll try. I haven’t written anything for a while. I guess because I was getting better. That’s the hardest part about living with depression, it can go away but it’ll keep on coming back, it really makes me want to just give up. Well, I really was getting better, my confidence was really increasing, I stared communicating a bit more, I even went out more. And just this past month it began to eat me up again. Just this month which is eight days I’ve collapse more than three times. I just break into tears and I feel as If I cannot be saved. I guess now I’m not gonna try to save myself because I’ve accepted the fact that no matter what happens ill always be sad. I was called weak and its true, i am weak and i might not even make the first semester if school. My suicidal thoughts however never stopped. I always think of methods, where I would do it..I doubt I’d kill myself at home because if I did, my choice of ending it would be a slow death. I’d cut every vein in my body. I’ve been doing research and well, it’s not difficult to find them. So I wouldn’t want my family to see me bloody in a tub, I’d just run away and do it in a far away place. I’d do it in a forest. With nature. I am part of nature and I shall die with nature. Well, school starts Monday, I’m really not looking forward to that, I’m the loneliest there. And now that I’m getting worse I can’t really communicate much..it will be hell. And its very saddening that I can’t tell any of my friends there, I can’t let them know because I’ve become distant and it will be hard to open up again. I’m getting tired. So damn tired. Only 16, and feeling truly worthless. The only person that makes me feel better lives miles away, and there’s no way to see him. He’s been a close friend for a year and some months now..I really wish we had school together…it will break him so much if I commit suicide this year..I don’t even know if I’ll make it to 2014. But for him, my mother,and my brother I’ll try.