This is my fail safe note. I thought I would ask if it’s clear to read. What impression do I give? What should I consider adding?
I have contemplated this for many years.
I didn’t have it in me to overcome my issues alone. I couldn’t see a blissful future either… well, there were moments when I had hope, but I was just deluding myself. I hated myself so much – How do you change that?
So I took the easy way out. And? That was selfish? Yes it was, but why should I have suffered?
Not one of you could wrap your head around who I was. And I doubt any of you will ever understand.
Mum, you have changed so much, but you are happy and I guess that is all that matters. I am sorry for becoming a monster and causing you hurt.
Nan, I really did appreciate the things you did for me. I caused you stress and pain, and for that I am sorry.
“Elder Sister”, I regret the day I first held “Eldest Nephew” due to the circumstances, I am sorry. I treasured the day I held “Youngest Nephew” They are both beautiful. I am also sorry for being an asshole at times.
“Brother”, my knight; you the man, keep on wiggling. Sorry, buddy.
“Youngest Sister”, behave yourself – Ha. And keep playing hard to get. I am sorry, gal.
“Eldest Uncle”, what a life you have. Spoil the kids, travel the world, “live long and prosperâ€. Sorry for being a dick.
“Youngest Uncle”, you are a fantastic dad, don’t doubt yourself. I wish I could have been half the man you were. Sorry for causing trouble.
“Youngest Uncles Wife”, “Girl Cousin”, and “Boy Cousin”. I regret not taking time out for “Girl Cousin” and “Boy Cousin”. I am sorry for that – not being a better cousin. Same you goes for “Youngest Uncles Wife”, I regret not knowing you properly, sorry.
“Brother-in-law”, I am sorry what happened. I am sorry if you felt I was asshole at times as well.
“Step-Dad”, I am sorry for the friction you think I caused between you and Mum.
“Aunty & Uncle, I regret not coming over to yours when I grew up. Sorry.
“Boyfriend”. I really liked you. You are a wonderful guy. Thanks for sticking around. Sorry we had the falling out that one time. I hope you find someone and realize your dreams.
Who cares what happen in the past? I tried not caring as I wanted things to be okay, but that was too much to ask for – weren’t it? Still, family issues were insignificant to what I was feeling.
I’m not asking for forgiveness cause I didn’t forgive yous – I wanted to though, I really did.
I deeply apologize for the agony have caused. Love, Kieron.
12 comments
Suicide is selfish. You think all of these people will get anything out of a brief ‘shout out’? I can assume they will not. I suggest being selfish and explaining how you feel. At least give them an idea of the headspace you were in that drove you to the capricious decision of killing yourself. Most of your family will never recover from your death in the first place so understanding is all you can give them.
I think your note is generic and meaningless.
anthro, only the fearful and narrow-minded call the suicidal ‘selfish’. Until you’ve walked in their shoes, you have no right to judge, condemn or criticize.
The selfish are those too blind to see that one of their own is in such crippling pain, that they feel the only way out is to check out.
Think twice before kicking someone when they’re already down.
I’ve attempted never wrote a note. I strung a noose from my attic and jumped. Shit is selfish you are wrong. I feel like we all have different experiences but when it boils down to it, it is selfish.
http://suicideproject.org/2012/11/rituals-of-a-transparent-human-being/
i dont think this is the easy way out and never will be!
“So I took the easy way out. And?”
Is not.
“That was selfish?Yes it was, but why should I have suffered?”
Selffish is exactly the way almost everyone are living at these days.
They just get out of their own shell when they have money or something like that to loose.
About the your letter, i had wrote some drafts… some look similar at yours… i just keeping working at my because seem to many excuses… before a hit the ultimate road…i will say everything to everyone… i will be very polite and calm. I did not like this this and that.
I will not let a clue aboout what i´m going to do. But somethings need to be tell and not write, in my humility opnion.
Regards
Keiron,
It’s breaking my heart that you are going through this. Please hear me out. Whether you think so or not, you are far too good a person for us to lose. Seriously, you are a vital member of our family and have done much to cheer up members and make everyone feel welcome. Your actions have touched many in meaningful ways. While our interactions haven’t been large in volume, they have been large in impact. You are a sweet, caring, funny, handsome man with a lot to live for. It’s okay that you are struggling to see that yourself, but please realize that many see you in this light. Before you take any major action, please reach out to us. Everyone wants to talk and help you. Things get better and your family wants to help. Please just give us all a chance to speak with you. I really hope you will listen to me.
Sincerely,
LTL
eh as a suicide survivor I can honestly say that ny attempts were made out off self interest. Not once was it for anyone else. They were primarily acts of desperation trying to get out of my own miserable mind and escape a world of sadness. perhaps selfish isnt the correct word but I think the argument holds some validity. Giving insight into ones personal thoughts can reveal more about how a person feels and why they commited an act. This in the long run will provide the reader with more understanding, and help the family avoid placing blame on themselves.
Jeebus, don’t do this, there are a lot of people who care about you and would like to see you alive. Come back to Susan’s and you can see all of the support people are trying to give you, if you’d just let them, me included.
I know exactly where you are, around 3 months ago, I was ready to pull the trigger (literally) and I wrote a note to my family explaining why I did what I was going to do and I was finally going to be done with all of my years of depression. Do you know what I did? I tried to hold it together for the sake of my family because I didn’t want to be a person that ruined the rest of their lives because I wanted to stop being miserable.
Things worked out and I didn’t do it, obviously. Then a couple of months later, I discovered something that truly made me happy. After 30+ years of depression and suicidal desires, I was finally free from all of that misery and now I embrace life. The point of this is that you can find something to live for as well but you need to keep fighting for it, life will eventually get better.
Lots of love and hugs,
Amy
@epona you put that beautifully
@SMJ Your suicide note is from you (obviously) so it’s whatever you want it to be. Personally, I’d have less shoutouts and more substance to each person, but that’s because I have less people I think, to apologize to. I only want to thank the ones who were *really there* for me. I’d also be more detailed about why I checked out early. What every day was like for me and how no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t turn it around, and didn’t want to continue being deadweight to the family/world. There was nothing wrong per se about your note, it just seems so nonchalant and unemotional like you’re writing in their yearbooks and not really about to do something where you’ll probably never speak to them again.
I’m sorry but I don’t really like your note. Your motive isn’t clear, and your suicide doesn’t seem to be a mature decision. The style of the note is quite cheesy and a little bit boring. Moreover it’s full of clichés. You don’t give any good reasons why you want to die. If you really wanted to die, you would give a rat’s ass what you youngest uncle and step-dad and I don’t know who thinks about you. Your decision doesn’t seem to be well-established. You should think more if you don’t want to be despised after your death.
+ I think you should include at least one quote from Paulo Coelho.
In my note….I clearly state everybody can think whatever the fuck they want…. I won’t care after my death….I just give my reasons and make sure they know I didn’t come to this conclusion without rational and logical thinking….if this is what you want people to know then hey keep it how it is but as far as caring about what people will think after you are dead is tantamount to caring about what your HS teachers thought about you after you graduate….it doesn’t matter because….well…. it no longer matters…..
“So I took the easy way out. And? That was selfish? Yes it was, but why should I have suffered?” delete this….its promoting the misconception that suicide is selfish and its “the easy way out” neither are true…..I would also say remove a lot of the “shout outs” except those that are direct immediate family members …the rest don’t really matter….well at least IMO they don’t