Still not making too much sense

why when someone is diagnosed with cancer, they are allowed to refuse treatment. But when someone wants to die in a quicker, more painless manor, they get revived over and over and over again and forced to be alive?

Just one thing I’ve been thinking about.

I’ve been very low for the last couple of weeks. I bought some pills last week. I got the same pills that I took last time. It would’ve worked if I’d have remembered to lock my front door. Also, I made the mistake of texting the people I care about to say goodbye. I wasn’t directly saying “bye, I’m just about to kill myself”. That would be really dumb. 

I’ve been staring at the box of pills all week. Thinking, no I won’t do it today. Lets just see how this week goes. I just did my food shopping, I don’t want to be wasteful. Maybe just wait till I get paid next and blow the fuck out. Get loads of drink and drugs. 

I mean loads and loads. So I’m numb.

I have a plan. I want to booze and blow myself up. Then get naked and put just a dressing gown on. Walk down the road to the stream in the woods. Take all the pills and then lye in the slow moving, shallow, beautiful water and drift into my next life. Naked. And bald. (I’ve already shaved my head) the exact way I entered this world. Naked, bald and full of drugs. 

Beautiful right?

Hm. death is never as poetic as we hope though is it?

Meh.