Good afternoon everyone,

i believe this will be my last post and contribution to this website as I am at the end of my tether. The darkness has engulfed my mind, body and soul. There is nothing left of the person that I used to know inside and out.

i have just ended the relationship with my partner – he does not seem to gander stand, listen or let go of the fact that I made a few mistakes in our relationship, I feel as if I have been tortured for months, mentally and taking my anger and frustration out upon myself causing me horrible scars both internally and externally. The latest and most severe being I stabbed myself in the chest 3 days ago, out of anger as he caused yet another argument. Unfortunately the stab wound was not deep enough to hit anything vital and a later butterfly stitches and antiseptic later. An inch deep and an inch across but It is healing. My partner had no sympathy for me at the time of the stabbing and called me disgusting while i was sat with a towel to my chest for the bleeding and crying my eyes out ag the insults i was receiving. ‘F*cking disgusting’..But my partner seems to think that I’m going to go to the police and say he did it to me, because he thinks I’m a monster.. Extremely upsetting for me but he doesn’t seem to think so. He has to protect himself from my hate apparently. I don’t understand that as I have nothing but love for him.

my anger issues are extremely intense, i however think that is perfectly understandable given the facts. The facts of which, briefly, comprise of: July 2012. I was texting someone else. Nothing sexual. No pictures. Said person wanted to meet me, I declined. We spoke no more. I also joined a dating site as a F*ck you to my partner when we had an argument. My partner found out about the dating site and has nailed me for it ever since. I told him about said person and eventually told him I was texting him. I have been receiving torture for that ever since also.

Not to mention the insults, evil, liar, witch, *****, ugly, piss taker, cheat, lunatic, psycho… I could go on…

Anyhow since then he has claimed I’ve slept with several men whilst I have been with him, he says when I take my son to school on a morning I invite people round to the house. He has checked my pants on two occasions to see if I have been ‘wet throughout the day. There is constant arguments over nothing but his insecurities and him failing to listen to me.

Combine all the above with the fact I have no family and no friends, that as a child I received sexual abuse from my brother and emotional abuse from my parents. I think I have a right to be a little angry and frustrated with life. I have a right to get angry when accused of cheating as I’ve done nothing wrong.

But I don’t.. I’m always underhand, doing dodgy stuff.

The one thing I’m still here for is my son, a lately even caring for him has become more of a job than a joy and my patience is wearing thin even with him. So I feel he would have a much happier childhood without me in it. All he does is see me cry, angry, upset and it is not good for him.

So as I say, this will be my last contributions me my final vent on this website, I am 100% positive I will not be missed and I am very sure I have not even been noticed. I regret not going deeper.

2 failed overdoses.
Hundreds of scars all over my body, even a few of the names I carved into my skin so I didn’t forget who I was.
1 failed stabbing.

My attempts will not fail this time as I am empty. Completely numb and emotionless.

So with that I bid you farewell.

Btw, yes hate Sarah ….what else is it ?….
are you enjoying being unwatched unsupervised unchecked upon?…freedom?….

Just received this message, to say I stabbed myself in front of him.. He’s real nice to me.