BathTub

I have been depressed very much my whole life and have been denying the fact the last year, I’ve been impotent for the last few months and raped when i was 6, been without a best friend or just someone i can trust in over year and have been living in tough surroundings, in early 2012 i joined my father for a 3 day trip to Wroclaw, Poland, staying at The Monopol. I have been dreaming and thinking about suicide for a lot of time already and everyday i felt worse until in the second day in Wroclaw i snapped, i couldnt handle myself anymore i took a sharp kitchen knife from my dads baggage (he bought it the day before to give to my mum as she likes to cook a lot)i got nude, cut my wrists, let the water fill the bathtub and got in there, everything started to turn red very quickly, after a few minutes i felt dizzy and passed out. A few minutes later (or so i guess) one of the housekeeping maids got in to clean the room and found me in the passed out in the bathtub -she thought that i was dead- she had pulled me out of the tub and covered my deeply cut wrists with anything that was around.

I woke up a couple of hours later in the local hospital, with the maid in the room crying as she saw me open my eyes, she later hugged me and told me that if would of been any longer i would of died and that i was lucky that she found me on time. She later told me that she had told nothing about it to the hotel staff and couldnt contact my father. I havnt forgotten about her, she was maybe in her late 20s, spoke a little of english, blonde, green eyes and about 170m. I wish i could see her again… And now i only have these scars that im so ashamed of.

Sorry that im not much of a writer im now 16 btw