Am I a horrible person for not wanting a family?
I didn’t have a childhood because of my mother’s choices. When she killed herself, all of her problems went to me. I witnessed her kill herself, and that’s the only memory I have of her. I remember how much my dad cried when he found her.
I never want to be the person to cause somebody that much pain. I can’t do that, I just can’t. I don’t trust myself. I’m stronger than her, I know I am, but my biggest fear in life is that I’m going to end up like her. I already have her bipolar disorder. She used to have hallucinations. Every time I lose touch with reality I’m terrified that I’m slowly slipping.
When I was four, a few months before she killed herself, she called social services on herself while my dad was at work. She had said that if they didn’t come over, she would kill herself and me.
I don’t want to turn in to her. I don’t want to cause anybody the same pain she’s caused me.
4 comments
So far you don’t sound horrible to me dear. And like with most things in life.. having a family has its risks. Its your decision if you believe the pros outweigh the cons, but remember its YOUR decision because no one on earth knows you better than yourself.
Whether you believe you will do a much better job as a mother/wife than her and feel accomplished
or
you wish to not risk causing anyone pain, especially them your own family.
Either way
I’m the same way. Lately I realized how many neurotic things I inherited from my dad and I’m a lot like him even though I hate how he is. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic only wanting a special person to experience life with, but I feel myself letting go of that lately. I wouldn’t want a romantic partner to have to put up with me (if any of them actually stayed around in the first place) and I definitely don’t want to have a kid if I’ll expose them to the same anxiety and stress that my parents programmed me with. Unfortunately letting go of the idea of love and a family is just one more thing crossed off my very short list of reasons not to give up living yet. But I feel it’s my responsibility to quarantine myself from others rather than look for someone silly enough to condemn themselves to trying to start a life with me. I don’t contribute much to the world, it’s the least I can do to just not make someone deal with me or being a child into this world and ruin them with my messed up mind.
Am I a horrible person for not wanting a family?
Of course not. Although society may make you feel like it. I am disabled and will never have a family. Although it’s terribly lonely and I can only imagine what it’s like when I see pictures of smiling families: mother, father, child, and I will never know what that’s like. However I know that if I were healthy I would still choose not to have a family. I don’t want to bring anybody into this wrecked earth. Besides I’ve been suicidal since I was 6 years old. Nobody should have to experience such misery. If I have not enjoyed my life I have no reason to believe my child would enjoy theirs.
Nope not at all…..I feel like to bring another person into this world is cruel….fuck all the good things…..the evil in this world FAR outweighs the good by a long shot period…. I don’t care about having any children because I refuse to subject them to this world… I love my potential children so much that I would give them the gift of comfortably not existing ….they don’t know anything…no pain no hurt nothing….I was perfectly fine before being born and I’m sure they are too….if they could exist in another realm and see this world I bet they would love the fact they weren’t in it….