I’m a 20 year old woman that hasn’t had one happy day in her entire life. I hoped that adulthood would bring me a time when I could have 24 hours of happiness but that hasn’t happened and it’s.really all that I wish for. I went from living with my drug addict.mother and violent drunken step fathers to living with my boyfriend at his mother’s house stressing every day about finding work, a place of my own, and going to school. My life has felt as if it’s forever in this pit of sadness. I  try to smile and be optimistic every day but no one supports me in it. I haven’t made any friends since I moved so all I have is my boyfrjend who only understands  but so much. There’s days when I want to kill myself because I feel completely alone in the world. I know inside that I’m a beautiful person but it’s so hard to be a blooming rose surrounded by weeds.
1 comment
1 comment
I got the feeling out of your writing, that you have a little twisted thought of what “happy” means. No offense! Let me explain.
People usually think that they will be happy when they have graduated. Or when they get the new car or iPhone. Or when they find their special someone. Or maybe when they succeed. And that’s the problem.
I will be happy when… The “when” may never even come. All we have is this moment, and as hard it may seem, we actually have everything we need to be happy at this exact moment. We just need to realize that happiness is not a destination to what you can aim and get into. Happiness is more like a way of life, it’s an everyday thing, it’s an attitude.
I just found out that my father wanted to kill me. My long-term relationship ended with me finding out I lived a big fat lie with a big fat liar. I’m about to be homeless. But somehow, I can feel little bits of happiness in this misery. I have been clinically depressed for the last 6 years, but in those 6 years there have been a little happiness too.
I just had to learn how to live in the moment and not in the “when”. I’m not healthy – I’m actually online searching for a good way to commit suicide now (right now writing to you obviously but you get it.), I’m addicted to cutting and self-mutilation, but every single day there are moments when I feel happy.
Like the moment when I wash my face after waking up. I love the feeling of clean skin. Or when I cook, I love cooking! Or when my cat comes right next to me and purrs. There are moments of happiness in each day.
Happiness just isn’t some mind-blowing experience that comes suddenly. No, it’s an amazing thing that you can find every single day – only if you can settle with the simplicity it comes with.
Find your happiness, I’m sure you can!