alone…. always so alone…. Â but then wait, here comes someone…. oh its dad… Â he just wants to talk about how depressed he is, and how he isnt feeling good, and then he’ll proceed to tell me about everything ive done wrong and what i should have done… Â maybe he thinks i can travel time…. Â but it just gets me so upset… Â i never make anyone happy… Â not a single soul… Â not even myself.
so why am i still here? why do i keep trying…. Â i dont know… Â id say that i dont want to miss out on something amazing that might happen, but over 10 years later i find myself still hoping something like that would come around… i post on craigslist and dating sites in hope to find a companion, but who am i kidding… Â who’d want to be with me? Â nobody… Â nobody ever wants me… Â im worthless anyways…
so why not just commit… Â why torture myself any longer like this… Â i have nothing, have to move soon, cant afford it, and have nobody that can or wants to help… Â and why would they… Â im not worth it anyways…
i just wish i could find the courage to commit… Â so scared of the pain, of failing, of missing out on love…but i am already in pain, i am a failure, and nobody loves me… Â so whats there to be so scared about… i shouldnt be scared… Â but i fail at everything meaningful… Â i will always be alone, and never have what i want… Â so why am i still here… Â why do i keep trying…
i find myself jealous of people who have commited suicide… Â i wish i could do that… Â but i just lay down and retreat to my fantasys…
this life… Â is just, unbearable…. Â and i dont know how much longer i can wait for you… Â im starting to think, that even tho i talk pessimisticly with hope for the best, that there truely is no hope for me… Â perhaps there never was…
im starting to think that i have to do this… Â if not for my sake, then at least for the sake of the people that used to try to help me, so they wont have to feel burdened by me… Â i think… Â its my time to let go of these hopes and dreams and face reality… Â that i will be alone forever… and that i should decide once and for all if i want to be alive in that case… Â i just dunno anymore…
2 comments
Those dating sites just somehow add to the pain, don’t they?
43 year old virgin here, but you just stop wanting companionship after while for the most part.
So I can’t say much to provide hope. I don’t believe that “there’s someone for everybody”.
But, you do eventually find solace in being alone. As you watch other’s marriages and relationships fall apart, you find good in the positive aspects. Like money saved, no-one nagging you. You can do what you want. You have to realize that the “ideal” of what we see relationships to be is hardly ever close to what we want it to be and ridiculously far away from how it’s portrayed in the media.
Find your own strength and learn to enjoy being alone. It’s not constant (obviously), but people with relationships have equal pain and misery in different ways.
Please don’t.
I actually do believe that there is someone out there for everybody. They’re just not easy to find. I myself am always all alone. I don’t have many friends, I have a non-existent social life, and I definitely don’t have a significant other. Although I see these happy couples and wish I had that, I believe that someday I will find my soul mate. Just like you! Ditch the website, you should just go out and live your life.. I believe that’s the best way to find your true love. If you like going to the gym, go. He/she may be there. Take that trip to wherever you were planning to go, they my be there! Don’t go looking for it necessarily, just live. But until then, I agree with him or her ^^ try to find comfort with being alone, find happiness with yourself first. Everything will be more beautiful in the end