I can relate to some of your situation. I’m close to your age and will be home alone on Halloween and all other holidays too, so you’re not alone.

I can also relate to toxic family members. I’m about to be a bit of a hypocrite here and offer some advice that I myself have not even mastered yet, but you have to try to not let yourself have an excuse for continuing to put up with your mom. As soon as I say that you should do what it takes to make enough money to move out, your response would probably be something about the way she tries to prevent you from getting a vehicle. Well, other people get around without a car if they have to, or quite frankly, just guard your money, put it into an account that she can’t access, and get yourself a car when you’re ready.

I don’t mean to be harsh, I can only offer my perspective on these things because I’ve let myself put up with it for so long too, so I’m kind of speaking to myself here as well as trying to respond to you.

We’re in our 20s now. If our families suck, we just have to do what it takes to get away. We aren’t teenagers legally forced to be in their custody anymore.

I’m the same way, I put up with my family because they do offer some support and I’d have to work a lot harder to be completely out on my own. So it becomes a toxic trade off, continuing to deal with people who hold you back because in some ways, they give you an advantage. But that’s obviously an impossible tug-of-war, if in some ways they help but in other ways hold you back, they cancel each other out and keep you stuck where you are.

Bottom line is that complaining about putting up with parents is not the same as 25 as it is if you’re ten years younger. If we won’t do what it takes to just get out and take our freedom by the horns, then really we are partially at fault for making ourselves victims. You don’t have to be at her house, you’re there because you needed somewhere to go. And I can understand if you just went through a divorce that you’re trying to catch your breath and struggle to find the strength to start all over. But you say it was finalized in January, so you’re coming up quickly on 1 year since the divorce.

So I sympathize with you but I also recognize some of the ways that you could get out of this if you wanted to, just like I am guilty of. Save your money or look for another job and try to get out of there. If you think not having a vehicle prevents you from being able to get to work, then get one. Just because your mom acts like she doesn’t want you to get one or tells you not to, does not make it law. It’s just another persons opinion. It’s too easy to turn other peoples BS into excuses. ‘My mom says I can’t get a car so that means less opportunity to find jobs and that means less money to be able to get out of here and live on my own’. The only flaw with that is that your mom telling you not to get a car does not mean you can’t.

You might FEEL trapped but you are only as trapped as you allow yourself to be. If you really want to get out of there, you just have to make it your mission every day you wake up to start putting the pieces into place that will allow you to leave. I know how easy it is to keep telling yourself that it’s too difficult and too end up not trying at all. And frankly you have the right to do that as well. Nobody can force you to change. But then you kinda lose the right to complain about it. You’re dealing with her because it gives you a place to live. You’ll have to decide if it’s worth putting up with her or not.

In situations like ours with controlling parents, a big part of the problem is that even though we’re getting older, we still FEEL like teenagers who don’t really have the right to do what we want because we’ve never been treated and respected as grown adults. I know in my own mind sometimes I feel like I don’t even recognize the fact that I’m this age now. I still feel like a kid, dealing with my parents and needing their assistance. So I know that gets in the way of realizing that we have the freedom to change our circumstances if we really want to. Have to try to take account of the fact that we are old enough to forge our own lives now and if we don’t like what goes on at home, we can leave. The one thing we don’t have the right to do, is rely on family to provide shelter, or food, or money, etc, but also expect them to leave us alone or treat us fairly. As long as we need other people to help, we are subject to putting up with however they’re going to act. In that sense, things haven’t changed since being a teenager, it’s their home and their rules and if we don’t like it, all we can do is leave.