Damn, I am a loser

I turn 24 years old next Wednesday and the reality of my life is really setting in.  I am a college dropout and I have not worked in almost 3 years.  The last job I had my boss was abusive towards his employees and while on a job I threatened him with a bbq knife and quit my job right then and there.  After that ordeal is when things started going down hill.  I was in and out of hospitals at the ages of 21-22 for the majority with “bipolar disorder with psychotic tendencies.”  I have been paying my bills and living on my own by way of public assistance.  I know what everyone thinks about people like me.  My brain goes on these tangents that include both great compassion for those around me followed by extreme homicidal ideation.  My brain always has flashbacks of all the people who have made me mad in the past and it literally feels like I am being eaten alive by my own fears.  Sometimes I have fantasies of a widespread disaster.  Watching every thing around me die as I die all at once.