Back on my anti-depressants/anxiety/orgasms/emotions. I feel much lighter, less anxious, speak my mind more. But, I feel nothing. So, I do a line, or have some wine.
I don’t really care about life. I’ve started dating older men, 40s-50 because…well I guess I feel ugly. I feel bored. Life is consistently pointless. I guess I feel these men will validate me in some way. Hm. No, I don’t look to them for a “father figure”, my dad has always made an effort to be in my life and still is.
I’m just…wandering. Good things may happen but, meh. I just want to lay in bed all day. I want the days to pass until something great happens; something meaningful.
A different kind of suicide I suppose. A spiritual death.
46 comments
My experience with prescribed drugs has always been negative. I had such hope when they would tell me about the success stories they had with their patients… but I go on it for 3 months and nothing… up the dosage all I feel is sick. Long story short, don’t do drugs. Unless, home grown.
You just don’t like feeling flat lined. Have you tried other things like I don’t know… sky diving? Racing? Bungee Jumping?
What does meaningful even mean anyways? A meaningful life does not exist. If it does you’d probably still have a wandering spirit whose hungry for more.
Hello Whyohwhy, my favorite new member! (OK, you’re not really new, but you only returned recently.)
Nothing wrong with older men. 🙂
I’m kind of in the same situation in that nothing ever happens for me (nothing good, anyway), and due to where I’m living… it’s basically barren except for a few decent pubs, a library, a small cinema, and some parks. In the next town we have a larger mall, and some clubs, but I don’t often have transportation to get there. So, I can’t even distract myself by going out dancing all night or something. (I don’t have any acquaintances in the area either.) Add to that my fatigue issues, and since I’m tired all the time and can barely concentrate on anything, I find it very difficult to work (I have a freelance part-time job.)
I desperately want to get out of this town and move to some city far away, but I can’t until I have enough money, and since my health prohibits me from putting my best effort forward in work… yeah. I’m basically fucked. I try to be optimistic despite everything, but IRL I’m surrounded by people who are constantly negative, so it can really bring me down even more. Like you, I don’t really know what to do anymore. *sigh*
Hi Persephone 🙂
Yeah, the only people I talk to are those in class. The only reason I get up to go to class is simply because I’m so lonely and it’s my only source of intimate social interaction. Pathetic, really. I’m quite the social butterfly in class, people probably have no idea I spend all my free-time at home alone. I’m not as studious as my teachers think either; no social life and lots of stimulant pills=lots of studying time.
Older men aren’t bad…I guess I just feel my reasons for wanting to date them are. I feel rejected by men my age so, I consider older men my last resort for companionship.
A lonely life is a meaningless life, in my opinion. I get a rush of warmth when I think of ending my life, giving up. But then some false hope comes along and I cling to it, eventually meeting disappointment again when the fascade crumbles.
So, here I am. It’s 7pm where I live and I’m tired as hell but can’t sleep so, I guess I’ll pop some pills and study…
Wish I had some…I hurt so bad…literal pain…and that depresses me more
@WhyohWhy I miss attending classes. I usually had at least one buddy or a study group to talk with. Some of my professors were really entertaining, too. I’d like to return to some school by next fall, if possible, so we’ll just have to see what happens.
I’ve never really had a preference when it comes to romantic interests. It all depended on whoever I felt a connection with/was attracted to/found fascinating. As it happens, a lot of the time that has been older men, I suppose because they’re wiser than guys my age. Idk. I don’t really think about it.
I know what you mean there. I’ve been waiting for almost two years and my life hasn’t improved any. I’m still waiting for things to start looking up, and I’m hoping that will happen next year, but that all depends on if I can work enough and acquire the necessary funding to move and so forth…
It’s a shame we don’t live around the same area, it’d be fun to meet up for lunch or something. Maybe you wouldn’t say no to going out clubbing, as well. ^^
You know, if you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to send me an email – solarstarz @ outlook . com (no spaces). I’ll warn you that I’m not the best email correspondent, I usually take forever to reply, hah, but I always enjoy chatting with people regardless. So, just putting the offer out there. (:
@ whyohwhy,
As an older guy I’m both a bit dismayed and yet encouraged by your reasons for dating us, I’m a notch over 40. Fortunately I have good genes and people assume I’m in my late 20s to 30s…yet mentally and physically I feel like I’m in my 20s and that’s primarily the age of girls I’m into.
Perhaps you should find an older guy with money who’ll spoil you for a bit, take you travelling and you might enjoy life again.
@ Persephone
It seems a lot of us are ‘waiting for something’…our lives to improve so we can be happy. As for your fatigue, you should see a doctor. I think I went through such a phase in university, I was really tired all the time, but looking back I think I was just burnt out from studying so hard to get into uni.
I’m sure you can find guys with cars who can take you dancing in another city. I know I wouldn’t have a problem doing that for some girl I liked. Best of luck to you both.
I can attest to the fact that older guys r great lol…I like guys that are quite a few yrs older than me
Sorry, I didn’t mean to butt in
*pushes zebragirl away*
hehe just kidding. 😀
Lol I was jus bein honest. I’m 29 and usually go fore guys 40+
And I didn’t mean to butt in lol but I saw that and couldn’t resist a comment ; )
@secondlife
Sorry if I offended you. I am equally attracted to older men as men my age (early 20s), but for different reasons. I like the maturity, experience and intelligence older men usually have. Physically, the rough hands, and mature features which I can’t seem to describe why, but I like the build of older men. However, I’m finding many older men who feel the need to compensate or excuse their age in order to woo me. They always have to mention how athletic/fit or mentally young they are, or even saying they look much younger than their actual age. It’s a big turn off. I like older men because they are older; if I wanted a young looking man, I would seek one. The need to qualify their age in order to attract me seems insecure, or that they’re intimidated of me, which is exactly why I would want an older man: his confidence!
Anywho, that was my rant. I have a date with a 50 year old Brit this week. We’ll see how it goes…he has a daughter who’s only 4 years younger than I lol. If he doesn’t mind though, neither do I. Not like I have anything to lose.
See that’s y I love older men too…and I’ve never noticed if they try and say how fit or young looking they r…I’ve found younger ones say it more around here, but if they’re cute they’re cute lol…I jus want a sweet guy to talk to. One that will listen and not say I’m crazy…That’s it…someone who cares…
I can’t quite articulate exactly why… but this realm of discussion seems to exponentially increase my desire to exit.
Hmmm @clevername, do you mean leave the conversation or Earth? I’d also enjoy it if you could elaborate.
I’m sorry, like I said I didn’t mean to butt in…I didn’t kno it would be this difficult to comment on posts…I’m pretty new on here, but all I was trying to do was comment on something that I had in common with someone. I was jus trying to get my mind off the other issues I have…again I apologize.
I have been finding it hard to talk on here since I found this site. I really wanted a distraction from the sadness I feel, but all I seem to be doing is irritating people…to secondlife, I apologize as well. I jus wanted to be able to smile for once…I was almost there
Like i said: i don’t think i can articulate it correctly, but i meant life, not just the conversation. None of you should alter your intentions on account of anything i might feel about any of it. It’s my choice whether to read, and my responsibility to not look if i don’t like something. I don’t see any justification for telling anyone they’re wrong, or that they should do anything differently, in this case. I just feel ways about stuff, and certain things tend to emphasize my insufficient desire to continue existing in a life i can only wish i could actually live.
Zebragirl – Hun, nobody has any problem with you. Feel free to comment anywhere and everywhere you like.
I’m sure you can find a sweet guy. They must be out there somewhere. I haven’t been on any dates for almost a year myself, but yeah. I’m just not interested in pursuing anyone in this area when I know I won’t be here for much longer (either because I move, or, well, you know).
@Clevername Surely you don’t have a problem with girls being interested in older guys? It’s all incidental for me, age really doesn’t matter.
Also Clevername – if a conversation between intelligent people makes you want to die… er. I’m afraid that makes you a lost cause, me lad.
I appreciate that…and I wasn’t saying necessarily that I only go for older guys, I’ve dated plenty of younger ones too…I don’t have a type of guy…like I said I just want someone nice who listens and doesn’t think i’m crazy.
I jus noticed my tendencies, and I have liked and dated more older ones
I guess I’m too sensitive…sorry
Don’t worry about it. 🙂 Don’t assume that anyone has something against you unless they say so to you directly. People can get in arguments on here sometimes, but they generally address the person they have an issue with.
I just always assume the worst…think I do everything wrong…or think everyone hates me…like I prickly scared secondlife off…have too big a mouth
Of course not, hun. You’re cool. Stay chill. 🙂
Of course i’m a lost cause. I’ve stated this many times. Understanding and accepting it doesn’t change it or make it go away, and doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
Nothing i’ve said in this thread was ever intended to indicate having a problem with anyone who has commented so far, and should not be construed as such.
Wow my autocorrect is tucked tonight lol…ok meant to say I prolly scared secondlife off.
Ok clevername
Grrrrrrrrr *fucked…dammit
Clevername – I was kidding. You just need to stop being such a misanthropist. 😉
I’ve never said your pessimistic diatribes made me want to die. This is rather unfair, you know.
(Joking.)
I don’t really think you’re a lost cause. If somehow you can ‘overcome the paradox,’ I think you’ll end up doing rather well for yourself.
Did i hear some young hot girlies ar trolling for geezers? 😉 😉 😉
geezer gigolo dawg
Lmao wow lol it depends on how old the geezer haha…Ok that did make me smile haha
@zebragirl
No one is mad at all! You are free to say whatever you like, whenever; I enjoy reading everyone’s comments here, including yours. 🙂
I guess that’s just my personal experience with older men then, perhaps. I’m sure many are confident in their age but I feel as if all of those are taken? I’m going to stop generalizing before I offend someone…
@clevername
I always had issues with people talking casually about dating, relationships or casual sex in that it felt like something i’m denied. By my own issues of course, but it just unintentionally made me feel less connected to everyone.. more noticeably wrong.
Is that it at all or am i completely off base?
😛
if you’re seriously askin … i’m over 40 and under 60 😉 i don’t give specific details out in public forum … more importantly – i’m glad i made ya smile 🙂
dear mr. fantasy dawg
something like that…
Oh no, believe me…it seems as all the good ones r taken too…That’s not generalizing, that’s jus a fact lol…the one thing that steers me towards older men is maturity…guys younger…just don’t usually…and I say USUALLY, have the mindset needed for anything beyond sex…older guys have the experience to kno what they should and should not do or say. There r exceptions to everything tho.
Didn’t you put up a post a while back saying you were going to become a stripper? Was that you? (Nothing wrong with that, by the way).
Yeah dawg, u did make me laugh…that hasn’t happened much lately…and off course I’m askin lol i Iike to kno something about who I’m talking to…except the reason we’re all here
Who me? Haha no that wasn’t me…I couldn’t shake this if i wanted to lmao
I meant the OP. If you click on her username you’ll find a post called “men don’t deserve my love”, dated October 1st, 2013.
Nevermind, just an observation.
Just sacasm…I’ve felt the same at certain pts…it’s as tho men don’t care about ur feelings…ok some men…So, u might as well make money…can feel the same as being lied to by them… just as degrading
Well you can discover plenty about me … who i am how i think, what i believe etc and so for the … just search this site for “dawg” … my contributions are vast … the value of those contributions is questionable but it’s there to be found (specific data excluded) 🙂
I will post a comment on one of your threads so you have my email address if you want it. I’m here to help while i’m here
honest dawg
Y thank u dawg…I appreciate that…I always enjoy talking to people…keeps me here and gives me something to look forward to…see I look at it as if someone talks to me then I don’t wanna miss what they say next. It could be the most important thing ever said to u…that mindset has kept me mostly here So far.
@C4–
Clearly you know that was I.
I’m trying out many things, trying to find any sort of happiness. I have yet to find whatever that is.