Hello everyone……… If you are reading this then obviously I’m dead and have overdosed on pills. I don’t know why I did it but I don’t regret it. It seems like I have been thinking about this for over 4 years now. For someone reason I just feel like I want to die, perhaps I have some sort of depression I think.  I’m not sure whether to keep my secrets to the grave or let them out. I started feeling sad at 14, I always kind of wanted to die at that age. The constant burden of feeling down and nothing could help and I never talked about it with my parents or any kind of GP or doctor. I never would have been comfortable about doing it because it would be just too depressing to talk about. I’ve planned and thought about this for a while now and I can’t wait for it. I’ve always fantasized about death and I kind of am looking for it because of the mystery that awaits me on the other side. I’m not entirely sure where I’ll go when I die. There are many possibilities like heaven,  hell, blackness, purgatory, reincarnation or a ghost. Who really knows? The one thing that I regret not doing is trying to be with the girl I love and her name was Marian. It might sound like a surprise but it’s true. You won’t understand my feelings unless you’ve had a similar experience like I have, but I digress.  I wish I could have told her but I’d never do it to her and her boyfriend. I’ve loved her since I was 16 and I it kills me to keep my feelings to myself I wish I could have told her how I felt about her but she has a fucking boyfriend and she would hate me if I did.  They have been together for over 3 years I think so obviously she has strong feelings for him and I would look like a fucking idiot if told her.  Family, love  you and I would never guess the kind of pain that you are in at this moment. Just live on without me and please forget it all.
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21 comments
what kind of a wispy washy suicide note is this? please I’m in the mood for real blood and guts!! 🙂
ROCKETMAN! I hate to hijack this post, just want to say hi, haven’t seen you in a bit, good to see you’re still around 🙂
Stendarr’s ***** ,
thank you! 😉 I don’t know what to say?
I want my suicide note to resemble Bill Zeller’s in depth and emotional impact. If you haven’t read his, I recommend it, it’s very hard to read and tragic, but the core pain in his words is raw and heartfelt. I’m probably not going to end up printing mine out or putting it on my corpse, but it’s satisfying to write a reflection of your life, to elaborate on your thoughts and reasons and to justify this conclusion you’ve come to.
@Rocket
You could at least give me a fist bump or something!
Stendarr’s *****, did you change you name?
@Rocket
Yes, but you probably wouldn’t recognize me anyways. I remember reading your SP hot tub posts, very amusing, I miss the gang.
really why do you care? once your dead you will never know anything again. if you care about these people do something for them now.
I’m re-reading them now, that was almost a year ago, wow, time flies. Welcome back.
@Rocket
My suicide note isn’t for the sake of anyone but me.
what a devil you are 🙂 so your not going to tell me!
I knew that you little shit! 🙂
I don’t think I commented much on your posts, I lurked for a long time, I really don’t think you’d recognize me, seriously. I’ll introduce myself now though, pleased to finally talk to ya’ 🙂
i’m feeling down again and back to thinking what the hell i’m I doing wasting time living? 🙂
Stendarr’s ***** well please to meet you far as I’m concerned your part of the gang
ever want to talk? my email is recycling1000 @ yahoo.com I hardly come on here anymore.
@Rocket
My point is, I don’t care what people make of my suicide note, I’ve only written it for my own satisfaction, I don’t care what people think of me after I’m dead, that’s not the point of my note. It’s to rationalize my decision and justify it to myself essentially. It’s my story, just like any literature, the author wrote it for their own selfish reason of wanting to express themselves, they didn’t write it centered around appealing to the audience, it’s a reflection of their thoughts, ideas and voice. It’s entirely about them. The audience gets to interpret the product of it, but ultimately it doesn’t matter what the audience thinks, the author already accomplished their goal of expressing themselves.
I’d love to chat 🙂 I appreciate it! I don’t know whether it’s good or bad to see you come back to this place, but it’s good to know you’re still alive and kicking
why of course! and intellectual , don’t we all have to convince our self why it’s a good idea to pull the plug?
it’s never good or bad I’ve never stop thing about it
We all have an idea of why we want to catch the bus, but to actually articulate it is something else. Emotions are hard to translate into words, which is why it’s hard to write a suicide note. But that’s also why it’s essential. You need to convert your own unique language of thought and emotion into a universal dialect that everyone can understand. That’s what we all want, for people to understand. Or at least get an idea of what we’re feeling/thinking, even if they don’t agree with it.