so lonely and lost

I am 15 years old and I’ve had suicidal thoughts since 5th grade in school… you know the same old story aboutbeing bullied. For looking terrible and not having friends… when I started 7th year the first time last year I was still a mess but had a bit more of confidence I started being a ***** to some poor girl in my classroom just to fit I knew it was wrong. I was becoming a bully so I stopped so in february of this year I had to repeat 7th grade cause I am useless at studying well I had. Depression about it for a while then my sister that’s now an stylist wanted to help me boost my. Confidence so she helped me to look bettr be more elegant and stuff because to be accepted you have to look good and have great hair … it helped me so I became popular it was a different high school. So I could start all over I got a boyfriend we broke up cause I kinda cheated on him yeah I was a ***** but I was nice to everyone caus I didn’t want to b like the people who used to bully me for my good luck my best gay friend yes gay not guy was in my classroom and another giil who used to hangout with me too christian and estephanie we were the older ones there and so according to our classmates we were the popular ones so I loved being popular when summer came I didn’t see my bf for months neither my friends when we got back to school my bf now ex didn’t even talk fo me so we didn’t talk and we won’t talk well time after that I got sick I was about to get an ulcer because my stomach and system was weak the doctor basically said my weight was a 9 years old girls weight and I was medicated had to stay home for 2 weeks my so called best friends didn’t bother in asking if I was okay they just replaced me with a girl that didn’t like me ididnt like her either so we started going away I started with cutting problems agai cause I felt bretayed and I had no one my so called family doesn’t give a fuck and they criticzise everything about. Me all I do is wrongg aand my sister is perfect to my mom so I have no one anymore iam bipolar that’s why I cut even if I know its wong and kina pointless I now I’m falling back to depression and suicidal thoughts. I cry almost eeverynight because of the loneliness an pain is hard to kow that i s so easy for anyone to replace me I feel lost and alone I don’t know what to do and I only count in oe personn but I can’t tell her everything cause I c ant trust anyone anymore and besides I feel pressure because I am bisexual and I don’t know if I want to be judged for that too I am so convfusex and lost sometimes I just want toforget about everything but the o ly thing that keeps me here is god my dad and music…..