hi, i’m julie.
just found this site today and i’m glad i did. thank you for being here. just reading some of the posts has helped me feel less alone.
i called a suicide hotline, the lady sounded like she didn’t want to be bothered, so i hung up.
i’m one of those people who asks for help and have found people who will listen (i paid a therapist to listen as well) but that’s as far as it goes. i get so sick of telling my poor me story. i i have also found people who have passed judgement. they are so helpful. 😉
my story starts with a bad reaction to an anti anxiety drug during a bout of postpartum 8 years ago. i had dealt with some depression most of my life, but after my second child was born, i crashed. my doc put me on a drug called effexor.. it made matters much worse. i got off of it as quickly as i could, but the ball was set in motion.
here i am 8 years later with 2 boys (13 & 8), an emotionally abusive marriage and no money. i have alienated everyone i know. i don’t have good relationships with the few family members who are local and i live in darkness most of the time. i get up everyday to do the bare minimum for my sons.
i work alone cleaning houses under the table and most of my social interactions are with people i have never met and never will meet.
so, that’s my story in 300 words or less.. please excuse my typos and grammatical errors and thanks for reading and sharing.
10 comments
i feel for you, Being in an abusive marriage isnt going to help your current state. I personally think you should try contacting some of your local family maybe start with some small talk? I believe it is the best thing in the world to know someone cares about you and re establishing those relationships might do you some good. ways to feel good in the morning: wake up, dont just sit around in bed actually get out of bed quickly and have a cold shower (it will help trust me) get dressed wear something a little pretty if you have anything and put on a bit of mascara? it will help you realize you are beautiful and worth it. then go make breakfast and some tea have it with your boys. try to enjoy your day, when your boys come home from school be sure to ask them about there days it will help strengthen your bond with them and make you feel very needed in there lives. Be sure to comment on the smallest of details they tell you it will put smiles on there faces and they will love you for it. as to do with your marriage: dont let him beat you around if it happens again be surreee to tell police so he can get what he deserves. Money wise: since you do have a job be sure your saving 10$ of your salary a week just for yourself, maybe save up for something you really want? stick in there and best wishes! hope this helps!
thank you. most days i do everything you suggested as far as getting up and trying and it has gotten me through the last 8 years so it is good advice. i wish emotional abuse was something i could press charges on because i would.
as far as family for me, i have reached out with no success. my brother who lives far away sent me money for retainer for an attorney.. it’s the marriage that’s killing me but the fear involved in ending it without love and support is intense. i’m really most afraid of losing my kids.
i wish he would hit me. that would make my situation cut and dry. it’s really hard to be a depressed mom. my kids deserve so much better.. they are good boys.
I am curious what the medicine you were on did to you and did it get worse? I was on a lot of dif things on an off during my life but i took geodon and zoloft for about a year and a half and when i got myself off of them my insomnia (which wouldnt happen often before the medicine just once in a while over nightmares or other physical reasons) happens every night now! sometimes i am awake up to 2 days. I have way more depressed days now than ever before and when i have them they are more severe than before the meds, idk if its coincidence or what i dont think so tho.
Sorry your stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship i know how that is an its so hard to be stuck with someone like that. You have to be a strong person to be able to handle it.
And i agree thealreadydead has great advice. Hope things get beter for you
Welcome to the community … You’re not a bother at all. For if you are, we all are. Most here are pretty good at listening without judgement and if not being outright helpful, at least they’re empathetic. Some are a little more abrasive and selfish, don’t take it personal
welcome dawg
they put flouride in psych drugs. it can lower thyroid hormones and raise cortisol. low t3 can cause depression and sucidal thoughts. insomnia or falling asleep is usually from high cortisol. i would get horrific adreneline rushes but taking hydrocortisone has completely suppressed them. i have insomnia too though. i havnet figured out how ro sleep without aid yet. hitler used flouride on jews to make them docile. flouride is also in tap water. if youre truly interested, anyone, get your free t3 tested. and iodine. iodine is the percurser to thyroid hormones. i really belive all these horrific feeling are just simply due to imbalanced hormones due to the poisons “they” are putting out there. i dont know if helping or just making a pest of myself. im sorry.
@sgiksw omg.. i have wondered for a while now why i was so much worse when i got off those meds but idk seems like it would have sorted itself out after a while but it never did. Im so glad to read that i wondered if it could be some hormone problem to and after what you said i am going to make an app to get it checked out! thank u so much!
before you go to the doctor, i woild educate myself as much as you can. doctors are taught by schools funded by the phramacedical industry, they are taught to drug to keep people sick. if you ask for a thyroid test, they are most likely gonna want to just test TSH, which is NOT a thyroid hormone, it is a hormone secreted from the pituatary gland. but it should be tested too as it can be an indicator of hypothyroidism but FREE t3 tells how much of the active hormone, t3, is circulating in the blood. low estrogen can also cause low serotonin. if you can find a good doctor, NOT an endocronologist, a general practioner that knows a bit about this subject, that will save you a lot of teouble. some are starting to come around. theres alot of info online about low t3 and depression. i notice if i skip taking my t3, i start to feel more suicidal. the new looking at it is, my doctor and i are researching into iodine as the ROOT cause of hypothyroidism. also, wheat and gluten can cause hypothyroidism/hashimotos( which i think is the root cause of bipolar because it literally mimics what bipolar does, it swings you from hyper to hypo, or high to low) so a gluten free diet could help also. plus drinking spring water. dont let them put you on synthroid either. thats syraight t4, which means your body has to convert it to the active form of t3. some people cant convert it without their adrenals and iron being supported. armour thyroid or cytomel. and it sounds like you have adrenal issues with the insomnia. the best way to test adrenals is through a saliva test NOT blood, done 4x a day. iron shoild be tested with a full iron panel. but im getting ahead of myself. first test the thyroid, free t3, free t4 and tsh. if theyre willing to test iron and the saliva test, awesome doctor. you can order the adrenal saliva test online on your own. insurance aill not pay for it. its like 130$?
thanks i am going to write some of this down and take it to a doctor i am desperate for some help
thank you for the welcome. this site is a gift. i will be back later with more details on my meds experience.. but it seems you all know a lot more than i do!!
i was put on Effexor XR. it is to be an anti-anxiety. before that i never took any brain meds at all. the doc was new to me and didn’t know me and he screwed me up bad. i was on it for a few months and as time went on i went from feeling sad all the time to feeling suicidal. all it did was exasperate my issues. i also had what felt like electric zapping pains in the palms of my hand (that still happens sometimes) and in my head. when i told the doc about those effects he told me that it wasn’t possible.
so that’s when i decided to research the drug. i should have researched it before taking it, and not just reading possible side effects, but learning how it affected real people. i’m very sorry i trusted that doctor.
what he should have prescribed was a few xanax and love and support from my family.
since then the only meds i agree to take is xanax (only when needed, i realize some may abuse it) and i self prescribed St. Johns Wort which did help ease me off of that evil effexor. cannabis has also come in handy a time or two, i will admit. i learned the hard way to be very careful of what the doctor prescribes and do not believe there is a cure in medications, but they can and do help many people. going on blind faith in a corporate owned doctor is a huge mistake in my most humble opinion.
my latest form of treatment is trying to practice self love for the first time in 40 years.. i feel that at times it helps, but when i crash now i crash so very hard and pulling myself back up gets more and more difficult and takes longer with every crash.