Why do you think I’m an idiot? Why do you treat me like a child? Why do you think I’m incompetent? I own my own home, take care of it myself, have lived alone since 1999 and always find a way to get help when I need it. Why are you so cruel? I understand you are not overly sensitive like I am, but I wish you would understand that even though you are not sensitive like me that there are people like me in this world. Why did you laugh when my property was destroyed by the local oil company and I lost every single garden I’d worked 12 years to create? Why did you ask me who I’d call in tears when my car broke down because I won’t get new tires ( because I need to have fucking heat and food more than I need tires)? Why do you say “You COULD be pretty?” Do you know how ugly I feel already? And it’s not my hair, that I’m fat, or that I am ugly and won’t wear makeup. Why do I have to look like other women to be pretty? Why can’t you see me as pretty even though I don’t look “normal”? Why do you judge my weight? I am not biologically related to you and you claim to have never met my biological parents, so don’t you think I come from a line of fat, ugly people? My looks came from someone, you know.
Look, I really love you, Dad. I do. And I am giving my best energy to be here and be a good daughter in the years you and I have left together. But can you please, please just try to understand that I am different from you and that I am not a bad person because I am not like you? Believe me, I’d give anything not to be overly sensitive. I’d give anything to not feel, to be normal, to be pretty, to be thin, to be successful. But, I’m not those things, and I’m sorry. I have done the best I could. I’d give anything to make you proud of who I am. I may have done nothing with my life, but I’m not a murderer or a pedophile, even though I witnessed a murder and was raped as a child (not by you). But instead of turning out like those people, I have chosen a path of light.
Maybe in the next world, we will see each other and you and I will finally understand each other. I long for that day, because I really do love you.
E
9 comments
Some people act like fucking assholes. It especially hurts when our own relatives act this way. I’m sorry for you. Remember that you don’t need his approval – you are a strong, independent woman. No matter what he thinks or says, you are doing just fine. Don’t let him bring you down.
Thank you Persephone. I appreciate your words. I am trying to keep my head up.
An emotionl post,,,,,, you brought me to tears with it.
But as said above…..
You don’t need anyones approval.
Be yourself.
Sound like my dad. Abandoned me and still abuses me every time we have a reunion. Only difference is I’m a minor.
This “letter” was nicely written,it expressed how you really felt.Now all you have to do is write it on paper (if you don’t want to talk to you dad) and give it to him.I found throught my life that some people need tobelittle others in order to make themselves feel good.I say if this letter doesn’t work and he doesn’t change his ways then fight fire with fire,people who usually dish out insults like these cannot take the abuse in return.you have to show him that what he is doing is wrong.why should you be sensitive towards his feelings,when he is not to yours? I found this has worked for me.
Well my Dad was the Worse, We used to call him Hitler …. and then after 25 years of HELL (I never lived with him, but he managed to bother enough) …. He becomes Cristian and now is calling to give me prayer and sermon’s and hugs ….. Figure that out …
Sorry for the Rant, your letter really touch me.
elliecats,
I’ve read your “Happy Upcoming Winter Solstice”, and this piece,
but I’m now low in energy, have to work it out somehow, some other time I’d read more of yours.
A stranger here, as a dad too, would like to tell you, I love you, and be well my dear, and it’s from my heart.
And forgive me, dear, for not being more to your aid.
@firefliesslite,
I just now caught your comment.
You reaching out means a lot to me. I am in a low place today and needed to hear that, thank you.
el
@DeadEmptiness,
No apology needed. I am so sorry your dad was not a healing force in your life. I do understand.