For the duke of marmalade

Hmm so I’m a little confused how to work this site now after two years I don’t even know if you’ll find this post. Cause I can’t post on the other feed to tell you to come here. This was the comment that was stuck in moderation-

“Holy hell. Yeah I remember you Duke! Long time. Well around the time I left those two years ago, my tank was confiscated from me by a housemate at the time who found the hood, tank and tubing. Sucks, to say the least. I did actually break into his car to get it, but I was worried he let some gas out. But beside that I was still so confused by all the details hanging around the method. So many different opinions and stuff. and I was torn between just taking the leap and between fear of being a bed veggie for the rest of my life. So I stocked up lots of different meds to give myself serotonin syndrome. It worked, and I sufficiently gave myself serotonin syndrome and nearly died. Only, I got out of it with a trashed liver, because roommate came home a day early. I don’t see this as an act of God, I see this as a f*cking annoying coincidence. I spent the year or so after that working on my writing. I started up a blog about abuse in families and helped others to fight on and learn to know themselves. Sadly, I never revealed in my blog that even though I was learning to tell my story and stop being self destructive, and teaching others to love and respect themselves and remove abusers from their lives- I was still suicidal. I tried to live with the feeling. It couldn’t be medicated, and talking about it really just made me frightened. For a while I thought it was because I was scared to let the idea go. It was my relief. My way out when things got too much. But the more I tidied up my life, and the better my writing became the more the little feeling nagged at me inside. Though I had given life a shot, like so many anti-suicide people preach for us to do, Life and I still didn’t understand the beauty in one another. We had learned to put up with each other sure. But there was the voice inside me that asked if living a life where I was just putting up with my existence was really worth it. We’re made to believe there is something positive around the corner. We walk for blocks and blocks under this belief. I have walked a long way, like many of us. I have found insight and wisdom. But the more I have learned, the more distant I have become. And the truest, most simple happiness has been the hardest for me to obtain. I was diagnosed with Non-verbal learning disorder. It means that though I am quite a bright girl, I find the simple things in life (like parking) really difficult. And it makes me feel out of place. More time passed, and as it slowly grinded to a halt around this time I am entertaining the notion once more. It seems that the longer I try to ignore my existential depression and need to leave this life, the louder it becomes.”

How have you been duke? I haven’t used the email linked to this account in ages. I use another now. So if anyone emailed me I’m sorry for my lack of response.

So basically helium thread is only strictly for helium discussion now? That’s a little sad. Since that’s where we all met each other.