I’m never going to get better. I’m never going to break out of this prison. I’m never going to have a future worth living. Every ray of light goes out. Every new window is a false hope. I swear it’s like life is stringing me along, and I don’t think I can live like this anymore. I don’t know if another opportunity to make progress will present itself again. The one I had might be gone, idk, but even if it isn’t I really don’t want to bother trying. I’m tired of being locked inside of my own mind. I’m tired of how much I hate myself. I’m tired of the way my brain teases and taunts me with hopes and dreams that I know are bullshit. Why do I keep trying? Fuck my life. There are too many things wrong with it and with me.
sorry just venting
5 comments
I completely feel you. I could have written this and most certainly have thought this many times.
Pretty much how I feel lately. I lie to myself on a daily basis about how things can still get better but when I have a bad day and allow myself to just be honest, I don’t see this getting any better, and I need to stop torturing myself by always thinking that maybe it will get better some day. It’s just going to get worse.
yeah, I imagine a lot of people here do feel like or have felt like this at some point. It sucks.
It does suck. I think, if I could just do this one thing to start with, then maybe I would be a teeny, tiny little bit less of a loser. But really, I can’t even make that one change or do that one little thing. I am not capable of more. I am a loser already at her best which is so pathetic. There is no hope for me. Really.
I’m basically just still here because the whole heaven/hell issue worries me and because I envision the pain that my extremely sensitive and close knit Egyptian family would suffer through because of me and that kills me. They were punished by having me, someone so sick and useless in the family. They would have done just great and had happy lives without the heavy, heavy burden of ME dragging them all down. Oh if only… if only they would see the benefits of me taking an early exit. If only…
mine want me to die. because i suck