I’m 23 years old, but since the age of 14 i have experienced many spouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. Last month my mum aged 43 hung herself. Obviously my depression is right back on track as well things such as agoraphobia (I refuse to leave my flat and have disconnected my phone and Facebook. My mum also suffered from agoraphobia. I am on medication and become extremely uncontrollable when drinking alcohol. Last week I was sectioned for 72 hours for my own safety. Like my mother used to do I find myself searching the internet for methods of harming myself. I hate myself.
I have plenty of fair-weather friends and usually fairly confident. However, since my best friend who happened to be my boyfriend also left me after my mum’s funeral, I now have nobody who I can trust to talk to. The two most important people to me have left me at the same time. I have no coping mechanism’s (also like my mum) and I am starting to wonder if I share the same fate as her.
I’m in a massive pickle at the moment, and starting to wonder if all the shit in my life is worth trailing through for the occasional 5 minutes of happiness.
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3 comments
There is a trend that children who have a biologically close family member commit suicide are more likely to commit suicide, but that certainly does not mean that you will. You have the power over your life and you and you alone make your decisions.
I’m really sorry that your mom killed herself and that your boyfriend left you when you needed him the most. A few years ago my mom tried to kill herself in front of me. I’ve never been the same since then, but I just have to remember that I’m not my mom, and you are not your mum. We can create our own destiny with a different and happier ending. We just have to keep living to get it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Don’t give up. 🙂
Lola, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and your long-term suffering. I agree with virtus and premed. You know, sometimes even identical twins can have very different fates!
Remember you still have many years ahead of you, and many oppotunities to turn things around for yourself. I wonder if you can think of anyone who depends on YOU and thinks you are an important person? I bet your fair-weather friends believe you are important! They will miss you so much if you go….