Hi! My name is Makayla, and I am a teenaged girl. I used to have friends and I was always happy and smiling. There was never a time when I wasn’t smiling! I decided to make an account on ask.fm because everybody was doing it and so I decided I should too to try and “fit in”. So everything was good, I would get a few questions here and there, but then all of the sudden, someone called me a dirty slut. I was confused and wondered who said it so I answered them and said “screw you.” I didn’t let this get to me because I thought it was just someone trying to get under my skin. Keep in mind that I am so self conscious of myself because things like this used to happen in the past and it brought my self esteem down, like way down. Anyways, I kept getting very hateful things being said to me and it tore me apart. I didn’t think anyone could be this mean to someone. I cried over ask.fm so many times, but refused to shut it down because this is what the “cool kids” have. All I wanted to do was fit in, why was that so hard for me? I would literally sit my room at night and cry my eyes out. Slut, whore, *****, ****, worthless piece of shit, ******, retard, hoe. These are the names people would call me. I thought it would just stay on ask.fm so I didn’t close it down. But then it followed me to school. People would tell me in the hall “Go kill yourself.” It was tearing me apart. I heard these names so many times I actually started to believe the things people were saying to me. I felt like I didn’t fit in with anyone. People started spreading rumors that I would go around and have sex with anything I could. I was the “school slut.” I had one boyfriend the whole school year! All of my friends left me because they were embarrassed to be seen with me out in public. I only have one friend now, and she is just as depressed as me. Nobody liked me, and when I would try to sit by someone at lunch, the would turn their back and just ignore me. I was so empty. I thought about suicide everyday, all day. I felt as if there was no way out and that nobody would care if I died. I started to cut myself every night to stop the pain. It worked for a little bit, but not for long. I thought I was getting better, but then it started again. I asked my mom if I could move schools, but she said I can’t run away from my problems. I tried telling my mom what was going on and she broke down in tears because she never wanted to see me like this. I cry myself to sleep every night, hoping that I won’t wake up the next morning. My ask.fm was blown up with mean, hateful things like “Go kill yourself. Nobody wants you here anyways.” or “How much can I pay you to get in your pants? Probably one cent you cheap slut.” I had enough. I was so alone and had nothing else to do but to kill myself. I took 85 pills all at once and cut my wrists open. I laid there until suddenly I got really dizzy and my eyes began to close. I finally was dying and all the pain and suffering was done. I could be happy now. But then the next morning, I woke up and ran to the bathroom throwing up the pills. When I got into the shower, I instantly passed out. I still wanted to die, and it felt like I was. My eyes were trying to close, everything went black. All I remember is waking up on my bathroom floor. I was terrified. When I passed out, I hit my head very hard on the counter. I got up and quickly got ready, not knowing what to do. I lied to my mom and said I tripped and fell. When I got home from school that day, I tried to do it again. I thought if I took enough pills my liver would shut down and then I would slowly die. I didn’t care if it was a painful death, it couldn’t have been worse than the pain I was already feeling. I had nobody to go to because my only friend told me if I kill myself, she was going to kill herself too. (I tell her everything) I tried drinking away the pain, smoking away the pain, but nothing worked. I was done. I still am done. I try to keep my head up high, but it doesn’t work always. I always keep my best friend’s head up so she never feels the way I felt. Still today I get mean comments on ask.fm
4 comments
I read about a girl who committed suicide because of that site. Her parents tried to get it shut down.
A classic example of how kids/others can be cruel, and it makes me sick to hear what they did to you.
Bullying is something I experienced too, so I know how it is.
You can overcome it, it takes time, but yes, the hurt remains.
its not your fault. Those who did/do that kind of thing will be held accountable one day (if not this world, the next).
My thoughts are with you.
I know the feeling, i used to get so much hate and hurtful things sent to me.
i really did hurt me. i too never shut it down so it all carried on and i just got more and more hate coming through to the point i belived it all. I got bullied a lot in school. I had my whole year group gang up on me and start beating me up because i didnt want to fight.i just had no friends and it really got to me. i started self harming and and tried killing myself, it got all out of hand.
But now i have got away from it all, ive left school and now im working in a nursery.
I am also getting help, im on the road to recovery and i’ve never felt any happier.
what im trying to say is dont go on sites like ask.fm, its just another way of someone getting to you. If you think about it this way, THEY must have problems of their own and they might send you hate to make themselves feel better about themselves.
or either they are JEALOUS of you, and sometimes that can be the real reason.
i honestly wouldn’t listen to people like that, they’ll get nowhere in life but you will.
Got to stay strong and be possitive. No matter what people think of you, YOU’RE beautiful! ignore the haters and love the people who love you 🙂
Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that because you seem very nice and don’t deserve that. You made my day(: Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I just saw your comment… Thank you, really.