sooner than i planned

well winter has arrived rather abruptly and there is no way in hell im gonna make it through the holidays. i wanted to hold out a little longer like maybe after new years but fuck that. still i am heartbroken about my mother having to deal with this. she has health issues of her own and is getting into her old age. actually im worried about my whole family as well. i have this disease, call it a curse “bipolar”. i inherited it. when i was a kid people thought i was some sort of demon with the mania that i exhibited. idk…. so tomorrow gonna do the partial suspension hanging probably with a belt from a bathrobe lol! i had originally planned on a heroin od but haven’t even the cash for that! i didn’t want to have to go painfully but at this point i can’t afford not to. i do hope the rest of you find some way to make life work. i’ve been trying for 26 yrs already and enough is enough.