Here I am asking myself if I have made my parents proud. if I came out the way they expected me to be. I’m so lost in the world trying to figure out who I am,who I’m trying to be or who I’m meant to be. I can’t accomplish things because I have a little voice in my head that tells me every flaw I have upon myself, every wrong I’ve ever done and every disappointment. I’ve been self harming myself for 5 years now. I started as a 6th grader. (So young,yes I know.) And I am a junior now and still have such a ugly habit. last night,I did it again. I have no one to talk to. Sadly,I do have a boyfriend. But don’t get me wrong,I love him. But I think its more lust than love. He threatened that if I cut myself again,he’d leave me. So I lie to him whenever I do. I catch myself wearing nothing but long sleeves around him with fresh cuts or just my scars. Because I feel he’s embarrassed of me. I’m so lonely even having someone to call my own. I don’t know if I should leave him or not. Because I am just a suicidal girl.
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6 comments
You have to talk to someone. Try a counselor.
I go go therapy. It really isn’t helping.
Sorry, Aly, I missed the reply.
What I am saying is that you need to talk to someone in a meaningful way. Maybe not a counselor, maybe not that counselor, maybe a minister, a shrink, a friend, a parent or other adult relative. Someone you can relate with and someone perhaps old enough to have some perspective on things. What I am also saying is that “not talking” with someone is unhelpful, because you need help and not talking when you are stuck is the slow way to go. You want things to go faster than by yourself alone, or even through posting.
Wishing you the very best.
G.W.
Talk to anyone. I’m not much of one to talk since I suck at confrontation. But someone that you trust or you just know will make you feel better if you talk to them. Best of luck. <3
Thanks lovely. <3
That little voice in your head? She’s a liar, and will only distract you from what you do get right, your “imperfections” (…things which you may see as flaws, but are what set you apart from the rest, in the best way possible), and the times where you did achieve something (no matter how small) and felt a sense of self worth.
Lose yourself, that way you can “find” who you are. Get lost in this world, experience a multitude of thoughts/feelings, connect with other likeminded people (such as this site) and learn to not fear the unknown, in time you will create an identity all of your own and no one will be able to take it from you.
Your boyfriend… hmm… well he’d be an idiot to feel any sense of shame towards you, regardless of your self harm. I commented on your picture, and to say that you are beautiful is an understatement. Behind that sombre smile of yours is a colourful, inquisitive personality which, given time, will develop and help you grow into a woman who knows who she is and what she needs.
Hope this helps, Miss.