In April, my fiance was diagonosed with HIV
Since then, I’ve watched him deteriorate…… fast. We’ve broken up a few times because a times, the stress got way too much for both of us.
In August, he was admitted to the hospital for an infection in his bowels and stomach. It then spread to his lungs and kidneys.
In October, he was transferred to a hospital 2 hours away. I don’t drive and have no income so I’ve seen him twice in that time. And of course it makes me feel like absolute shit.
2 weeks ago, he flat lined after a blood transfusion that his body wasn’t able to handle. They saved him, but drs told him to say his goodbyes.
They’re transferring him back to the hospital closer to his family. Although I’m greatful that we will be able to be with him when he goes, I’m hurt by his decision to be put on palliative care. I know, I’m being selfish…….. but I’ve lost my children due to childrens services and now I’m planning the love of my life’s funeral.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve watched him go from being healthy and happy to being sick and miserable. As much as I want his pain go, I want him to stay with me.
I guess I’m just looking for some support here.
He has no idea how much I pray that the Lord would take his pain and put it unto me
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6 comments
I am so, so sorry to hear this. I know this won’t help, but *hug*. I hope you will be okay. 🙁
Thank you. I appreciate it. I hope so too.
I’m also jut so sick of people being afraid of him (including his family) because they’re too ignorant to educate themselves. I see the emotional pain he goes through as well. I just want to fix everything and Im frustrated with myself because I’m useless
I understand that feeling of helplessness. It is the worst feeling in the world to see someone you care about suffer, while knowing you can’t do anything about it, except be there for them.
There was a good novel I read. Despite the fact that it was marketed for teens, I wholeheartedly enjoyed it as an adult. ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ by John Green. It’s about two terminally ill adolescents (who are rather mature for their age) who meet and strike up a relationship, while knowing that they have only a limited time with each other. It was very touching and even made me cry (not many books have done this). Perhaps you too might be able to relate with these characters somehow, I don’t know…
I will look into it. Thank you for the suggestion 🙂
His blessing is having someone like you in his life, to love him and be there when you can to ease his way. You are a blessing. Please continue to be so, even after he’s gone. There are so many in this world who could benefit from your presense.
I can’t claim I understand what it is to be like to be standing in your shoes, but I sure know how difficult it must be. I pray that you find the strength to bear this. Hug.
Life is a roller coaster; what’s down now will eventually go up and the cycle continues. We are here on this planet for a brief period but we have the opportunity to experience so much. It is not always to our liking, but we don’t have a choice with many things. The only words I am reminded of are ‘This too shall pass’. And it does whether it is the good parts of life or the not so good ones.
I know these words sound ‘preachy’ but I hope they will make you see another perspective to life that might bring some strength in this period of suffering.
God Bless!