Why bother

My mother asked me to come out and help her while her husband is dying. When I was young my mother worked and left us kids to fend for ourselves. Three out of five wound up be sexually abused by neighbors. Then she divorced my father. Neither of them wanted the children. I was 17 and left to fend for myself. My mother moved across the country and I see her maybe every other year for a couple of days. Now after years of therapy I feel that even though she has not been there for me, I will be there for her. I owned my own business. Something small about 5 minutes from my home and I could make my own hours so I could be there for my kids. I decided to leave and try to help her and try to mend my relationship. I wanted to sell my business, but didn’t have enough time so I told someone who I trusted that I would give it to him if he paid off a bill that I had for $180. He wouldn’t pay the bill for me by proceeded to take over my business. I told him the deal was off but he didn’t listen to me. He started bullying me and made me afraid of him. I left there horrified and scared. That was last week. Today because my car broke down and I’m not working, my husband accused me of never taking care of my children and I freeloaded off of him, I need to stay with my mother and not come back. The most hurtful thing is that I didn’t take of my children. Since I was not taken care of, I made that a priority so my kids wouldn’t experience what I had to. And since I didn’t work full time I enabled my husband to work and he makes 5 times what I did. I didn’t freeload, I did what I thought was best for my children. Well now my children are older and don’t need me, I have no job, I have no car, and my husband wants me out. I have no relatives in the state and basically none that really care about me. It’s cold outside and I’ve been homeless before and I’m too old to do it now. I tried to do the right thing. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for 25 years. Once I start drinking it will be all over.