I am 26 years old. Â I’m laying here tonight with my hand full of pills. Enough of everything I need to kill a baby rhino.
I guess considering I am here means I am looking for help. Which I know is a good thing. Â I have spent a large amount of my life studying this.
I was molested for 5 years by my dad.  My mother is disabled. My partner and I fight every night.  It even gets violent.  I have multiple illnesses. My 7yr old baby girl died a month ago and I lost my job 3 days after. I couldn’t afford a kidney transplant and I really feel like ive killed my daughter.
Help me.
6 comments
You have had some really tough things thrown at you in your life……
The fact you are here talking is good. Stick with us, we are all your friends here.
Don’t blame yourself for your daughter dying, that kind of guilt will tear you apart.
I can see you are strong, just by the fact you made it this far.
whatever emotional support you need just give a shout out to me, coquito
even though i don’t know you, i care about you (not for religious reasons, but for human ones)
At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor.
Glad you want help. There is plenty out there. Counselor, mentor, minister, etc. Christmas is a good time to ask for it, as it has the capacity to entirely change the dynamic of the holidays. Give it a try for at least a few times. Even if it does not seem to “click,” the effort itself is helpful. Then keep looking.
All the best.
G.W.
I am so sorry about your daughter. I can’t even begin to imagine the hell you are in.
You did not kill her. We’re in an entirely fucked up world where (IMO) the medical profession does not give two shits about saving a life unless someone can pay a ton of money. If your daughter passed on because no one would help without you paying them money you did not have, it is their fault.
I was molested too for many years by my grandfather. I learned that the worst thing the molester does is not the sexual acts, but convincing us that it is somehow our faults and that we’re crazy/wrong/stupid/selfish. And, they were and are wrong. It’s likely your dad taught you to feel guilty about the abuse, but it was never your fault. I am here if you want to talk.
Lost a child.
I still wonder what if I had … this or that.
Im sorry for your loss.
Depending on how it affected you, perhaps reporting it to the authorities and getting your father jailed might make you feel you had some justice-at least it’s something I’d do.
Sorry for the loss of your daughter. Many things happen that are beyond our control.
As for losing your job, you can try to find another one or if there is some way to go back you could try that route also.
If you could leave your partner that’d be best. Physical violence should be your red-line because it’ll only get worse.
Also sorry about your illnesses-health care in the US is terrible, in Canada everyone is covered and we pay half. Sorry not rubbing it in, but trying to get America to change.
Best of luck to you.