I feel damaged beyond repair. Â Every minute of every day is filled with emotional pain. Â I want to die so badly. Â I don’t understand why people who love life, who are happy and have people who actually love them are taken away everyday. Â But someone like me who actually welcomes death continues to wake up day after day. Â It’s like the universe is incredibly twisted. Â It inflicts life on those of us who no longer want it, and inflicts death on those who want nothing more than to live. Â I want to disappear. Â I am 38 years old, and I’ve felt like this for years. Â I can’t go on like this.
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You took the words right out of my mouth, I was just talking to someone about this. Why do people fight to live when they’re terminally physically ill when I would trade them in an instant. I understand they are in pain but it’s no less than my agony and anguish mentally, different only because you can’t see mine in an X-Ray. My father died of cancer, I saw what he went through, mine is no less painful.
Thank you so much for responding. I’m sorry to hear about your father. I understand exactly what you mean about the anguish. People tend to dismiss emotional/psychological pain because it’s not something they can physically see. There is no test or MRI they can look at to understand why we are in pain. But that doesn’t make our pain any less valid, just more misunderstood.
i wonder how life got like this for us! I actually think it was in my makings. If you are literal about every minute feeling emotional pain…I feel it too. It is there hundreds of times a day, if not more. I was born into a disfunctional family, but even they are happy and want to live. I was 38 when something happened to me, it may have been earlier but that is when I went thru a breakdown. I hope for you that you can before you get any older,figure something out. If you dont make a concrete decision to do something about it…it may only esculate. But when it comes to the mind, that may be hard to do. I hope this helps you.
I saw this post and automatically thought “CHILDREN OF BODOM”!!!! sorry. just thought id get it out there…
Yes, I am literal about feeling pain every minute. I have had a lifetime of pain, so things have been happening to me long before I turned 38. I already know that I am going to leave this world by my own hand. I’ve just come here to vent a little before I leave, as I don’t have anyone in my life that I can discuss these things with. Not anyone that would understand anyway. I had a breakdown 7 years ago. Each day since then has been hell. I am tired of holding on. As my title states, I am damaged beyond repair. I am ready to go.
I know this post is a couple years old, but I came across it through Google. I did a search for the phrase “Damaged Beyond Repair” because that is how I have felt most of my life and I recently turned 41. I have been in so much pain and for so long, I think I can understand, at least to some degree, what you are talking about. So, for what it’s worth, you are not alone, even though we may feel like it.