I can feel it in my arms.

Self mutilation has been an addiction of mine since I was a high school freshman. And it’s been a constant struggle to not do it for the past few months, but today the urge got really bad. I can feel it in my arms again, and that’s when I know it’s getting closer, last time I felt this I broke a mirror and used the glass to give into the urge. But today I  can feel it from my fingers to my shoulders all the way up to my neck, and I’m afraid of myself right now. I’m afraid of falling under again for the 2nd time in less than two months, I can’t handle this shit right now. It’s almost fucking Christmas and I shouldn’t be feeling this way, not at all. But the truth is I am, and I’m not sure how to cope here in this house. I don’t know who to talk to or where to hide. I am tired of being weak like this, of feeling the urge in my bones and my skin. I am tired of this, and I need to find an escape.