pain= what I want  –  what I have ( according to philosophers pain is difference of “what i want” and “what i have”)
What I have = negligible ( for me)
therefore
what I want=pain
I get lots of suffering when I live and I enjoy it
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Really???
I guess I understand I would give anything to be young and vivacious and feel passion of any kind, sexual, suicidal, extreme pain, extreme awe. But, I am in hell because I feel nothing. I feel life withering away from me. As if I’m not even real. I do attempt suicide more and more to try and feel something. The scary thing is I get closer and closer to really dieing and not comming back. But, maybe its okay because maybe I’m dead already.