So I was dating this guy. We had been together for a while and I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me back. Gay relationships are not always like heterosexual relationships. It was an open relationship. That meant we could have different sexual partners and still be a couple just as long as we were careful. Then I fucked up. Somehow I got drunk in a party like really really wasted and I don’t even remember what happened. A few weeks later I realized I had an STD. I told him and he got really pissed and then dumped me.
Now I feel like trash. The truth is this was the longest relationship I’ve ever had and it was pretty short. I guess he was actually my first boyfriend. I love him madly and he doesn’t even speak to me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I start crying everytime something reminds me to him.
I feel dirty and castrated like my penis has become some sort of evil monster. I have scars from the STD that doesn’t seem to go away and I just wanna kill myself. I’ve planned the exact way to do it and I know nobody will find me until it’s late.
1 comment
I am sorry for asking, but are you sure your friend saw things the same way you did? Is it the fact that you got STD (I am sorry to hear that) or that you had a sexual relationship with someone else? I know a few gay couples as well and none of them would accept that their partner sleeps with someone else. And even if he accepted that you have sex with others, I am sure he didn’t appreciate it. Maybe you should have refrained from sexual intercourse with others to show him how much he means to you and that he is the most important person in your life, which that would definitely do (just imagine if he had done that for you).
Now after all, you said he won’t get back together with you, that is sad of course. This is the same with love no matter of your gender or sexual orientation. It is now important to forget about him and distract yourself with hobbies, going out with frinds, maybe on a vacation.
Also it is important to visit a good doctor with your STD. With our current medicine many of those diseases can be treater successfully.
Lastly and most importantly you should think about your decision to suicide. We are here for you, with every question, fear or frustration you have. Talking your mind really helps (believe me, I am doing the same…). If you imagine you could ever find someone like him again, maybe someone even closer to you, wouldn’t that make you stay alive and keep fighting?