It’ll all be over soon.

Sometimes I feel like there is not point to live, actually that’s all the time. All I seem to do is mess things up: relationships, friendships, plans, my family, you get the picture. For the past year or so I have been self harming myself (cutting) because I feel that is the only way to be happy. Once I see the scars I’ve created and the pain I feel, I actually feel happy. However; cutting is not going to help me to be everlasting happy. To make things better for those around me, I have decided to commit suicide. New Years Eve. New year, no me. Everybody I become close to I seem to hurt, and this would make everything better. My mom always is yelling at me for the smallest possible things. I don’t understand it at all. I’ve always been told to treat those the way you want to be treated, when she treats me like dirt but expects me to treat her like royalty. She makes me feel ugly, stupid, pointless, and worthless non stop. I always am the reason my parents get into fights as well. I can tell my parents don’t really love me, they don’t care. I’ve told them how I feel only one time but simply I was told to get over it and grow up. They don’t understand, they never will, nor will I. I don’t understand the pain I feel, I don’t know why this happens to some of us. But it sadly does. Nevertheless; suicide seems like my only option now days, and that’s what I’m planning to do to make this all over.