My foster family…gone

My father was dead in September this year. holy shit..My mother died on 2008 when i was 12. now i’m 17. but as the matter of fact they are not my real parents. They adopt me from my real parents since i was a baby. fyi, my foster parents and my real parents are relatives. They are all dead. i mean, my foster parents. but i really wish that they were my REAL one. i’m actually HATE my real mother. she told me in my face that she is not my mother and i’m not her daughter. she’s a ***** i think. sorry to say, but we are really can’t get along like forever. i do miss my foster parents because they are really like my real parents. i really feel alone right now. i have no one to talk t. Now, i live with my aunt. Me and my aunt. Both in the same house. she’s unmarried to be honest and she’s 65 years old. My siblings are really close to me eventhough we are not live together since i was a baby for the first place but all of them seems really happy together WITHOUT me. hmphh i understand that. But right now i really feel alone. my friends are cool but still, they have perfect family and rich and i do admit that i really envy all of them. they are perfect but me, NOT. The biggest loser ever with no money and family. so basically, i just randomly searched on suicide because i feel really depressed right now and i found this site so i hope i have a person to talk to and have same problems with me eventhough i know its impossible to find one who got the same problem as me. hahaha foster family –” fuck it! i wish my fucking mother will never made me live in this cruel world. life is unfair. That’s all i could say. i do really ENVY my friends. my aunt is old who is really impossible for me to talk to . damn it i wish my foster parents are here with me. i was left alone and cut myself but nothing happened. i feel nothing at all. i hate my life. My friends having fun. Me. In my room. crying over the death, listening to Taylor Swifts and nothing change. duhh suck my life. i wanna die but thank god i was born with a coward heart so i never try to suicide but just cut my arm.. its pretty cool i think.