3 weeks ago the last thing I ever thought I would be doing is posting on here! But during that period of time I was admitted for emergency brain surgery after the discovery of a large grade 3 tumour.
I was called back to the hospital yesterday where they told me these things don’t go away and I will have the tumour for the rest of my life, which is predicted to be single figures.
My life has been taken away from me, I cannot drive any more, I have had to give up work and it appears the time I have left will be a miserable existence of operations and chemo to keep the tumour from killing me.
I think my only option is to die with some dignity and I have started researching how to do it. At the moment my favoured option is a few charcoal bbq’s in a tent or car together with a bottle of vodka or whisky and then hopefully drift off peacefully.
The problem is it would be typical of me to mess it up so I wondered if anyone had any advice?
6 comments
I would consider myself lucky if I had this easy opportunity to die. But, in your case, you’ll see how, if you act upon your will to live, you’ll get the life you desire for. Just, after the treatment ends, start taking baby steps to get back on track.
The problem is that however long I live will just cause so much pain for those around me if they see me going through more brain surgery/chemo: and that seems inevitable with a grade 3 brain tumour: I am already booked in for more brain surgery in 3 weeks. Eventually everyone is gonna be upset when I die anyway so why not just save them from years of pain before I go. Watching my family receive the prognosis was worse than death itself.
If you live, you will see their faces when the treatment ends and I think that reaction is something you don’t want to lose: they’ll be happy to see you healed! Just stay strong to show them how much of a fighter you can be. You’ll gain their respect and admiration, if that’s what you want.
I love them all so much and I have been with them today. But the thought of them seeing me sick/in pain is destroying me. I can accept my fate even though it seems so cruel but it appears that with a Grade 3 Tumour there isn’t any happy ending and the remainder of my life will be relentless cycle of ops and chemo 🙁
panteahoria@yahoo.com
mail me if you wanna talk methods?
Hi I sent you a mail: maybe in your trash folder?